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My boys

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Not sure how it happened... But I will take it!!!

So, I here I am waiting and waiting for my post miscarriage period to come... We decided that we wanted to revisit IUI with injectibles. We followed my blood HCG levels down to zero almost 5 weeks ago... It should be here by now.

I tuck my little boys into bed, which means I lay down with them in there little beds. As I go so sit up, my round ligaments are screaming at me. Ouch!!! What was THAT? A random thought crosses my mind, reminding me that I feel this way whenever I O, or even more so, when I am pregnant...

I grab an LH test. Maybe it's a super late O? I dip the stick, watch the dye cross. My test line is instantly dark. Much darker than the control line. It doesn't seem normal...

I ask Brian to bring a pregnancy test home on his way back from work. I honestly didn't think much about it. Yet, at the same time, I just knew....

I had already used most of my pee on the LH test, but I got a little out for the pregnancy test.

I couldn't believe how fast it popped up...

The next morning I explained to my very confused RE's office why I wanted an HCG blood draw.

At that time, I am guessing I was 16 dpo. Or 4 weeks 2 days.
The results? 690!!!

I went in again today 18 dpo, or there abouts. 4 weeks 4 days.

I am just stunned!

My progesterone was 47 too. I still have my suppositories too.

Things like this don't happen to me. They just don't!

I am trying not to question it too much. Trying to just embrace this odd peace that I feel about this baby.

These curve balls you keep throwing me are nuts! I trust you Lord. I always do... I hope and pray this little one makes it to our arms.
Please protect this child. Help him or her grow perfect. Knit this baby together in my womb, just the way you intend. I so desperately do not want to loose another baby, Lord. Please God. Allow this to be an easy pregnancy with a happy ending...
In your name

Friday, June 13, 2014

The end of my miracle...

I started to bleed last night. I have been feeling "off" the last few days....

I had an ultrasound this morning.

Ultrasound showed that the pregnancy is still there but not nearly as far along as it should be, I am unfortunately very certain of my dates. I know what it should look like by now. All we saw was a 3 mm sac. There was some gray ish matter inside. No clear yolk sac or fetal pole.
We drew blood to look at HCG. I am feeling very confident that I am miscarrying.
I am absolutely heart broken. I was so excited for this miracle. However, I also recognize how blessed I am already. Praying that God will comfort us through this time and bring us another baby in His time.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Second beta

Praise GOD!!!!!!!
My second beta MORE than doubled!!!! How is this happening? I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. Happy, blessed, scared, confused lol. I just feel like I have skipped so many steps! It's just so amazing that this happened completely naturally, absolutely amazing.

My 6 1/2 week ultrasound has been scheduled for June 15th, where we will look for a heart beat :)

The next big step for this little miracle to over come :)

I can NOT thank you enough for allowing us this blessing. We are so pleasantly supplied and feeling so grateful. We never deserve these good things, but you give them to us. You love us and know our desires.
I will trust this life to You God...and you know how hard that is for me :)
But you are the maker of this life, and every other. You hold it in your hands and love him or her more than me.
Praise you lord. Thank you for reminding me of your generosity and surprising me with this new life.

I love you,
In your name, Amen

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

12 dpo

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

My miracle!!!!

God is amazing.

Full of surprises.

Today a blood test confirmed that I. Am. PREGNANT!

100% naturally pregnant. A complete miracle.

This cycle #5 since my failed FET I have been lazy with my vitamins. I started training and running. I was shocked when I got a positive opk on CD 16. I kept running anyway. Normally I don't exercise in the two week wait. I broke a personal record 9 dpo and wanted a glass of wine to celebrate, I decided to test just in case first.... A faint line.

I put the bottle away shocked. Brian saw it too.

The next morning, 10 dpo, line was still there. A liiiittle darker.

Today, 11dpo it was darker. I called my RE to ask about confirming it and getting some progesterone in case.

I usually don't get my beta checked until 14 dpo (with Ronan I think it was around 70 or 80) so this was really early, I was hoping for 20.

It came back as 21.5

I go back Thursday to make sure it's rising,

I am completely shocked.

If you know me in real life, or on Facebook, this is ABSOLUTELY PRIVATE! Please please say nothing.

Saturday, April 12, 2014


Today I went to a 6 year old girls birthday party, which so happened to be a "princess theme". I was asked to impersonate Ariel the Little mermaid. Not shocking since I have red hair and I sing. So I agreed. This family is soooo sweet, and I really wanted to make to this little girl's day.

OH how different girls and boys are. I am surrounded by boys, so I forget.... When I came out and sang, the boys had funny reactions. Most were shocked, kinda dropped their jaws, then ran away and hid.
The girls were just soooo excited. It was so special. I loved it.
I also love those silly boys :)

Here are some pictures from my day. Who knows? Maybe some day I will get to show these to my future daughter and she will think I am cool hahaha. My boys were so cute. They saw my all dressed up and just dolled over me. they kissed me, held my hand and told me how beautiful I was. :)

How blessed I am :)

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I don't miss this

I secretly felt super optimistic this cycle. I had a really strong solid positive OPK. Everything was timed perfect. I was so excited when my period was 2 days late.... Negative pregnancy test. Wait, let me dig that out of the trash and check again... Yeah. Still negative. Maybe I will try again in a few hours. Oooooh could that maybe be a line? If I squint just right it kinda looks like there is another line. Maybe I need to hold it by the window where there is some natural lighting... Yeah, that is still negative. A few hours later... I need to recheck, I better dig my test back out if the garbage can.... Pathetic right? I know. I really got my hopes up this time. Why doesn't this stupid, crappy, thing called infertility just go away. Go bother the woman who doesn't want kids. Or the lady who has no place procreating... Okay, that was harsh. I guess I am just a hormonal mess right now. Turns out everyone so pregnant today in Facebook, so that is really helping too. So now, I am taking some time off Facebook, turning my focus once again back to God. Remembering that HIS timing is always best and that HE will create my family the way HE desires to do so... Which stinks when my stupid human desires get in the way right? I hope I don't sound too grumpy. I really am TRULLY blessed. I am one of the lucky women who go through this fight and come out of it with healthy children!!!! My marriage has remained intact. My family is thriving, and we create joyous, wonderful memories every day. No joke. I LOVE my life. It just doesn't feel complete yet. Not sure who this special little person is whom God has planted in my heart, but goodness, my heart is ready to embrace whoever it is. My period showed up right after I got my negative tests- which is always how it goes haha. So I go back to my healthy lifestyle and praying for a miracle :) These ups and downs of trying to conceive I just do not miss. It will be such a wonderful feeling when I know my family is complete. Until then, I continue to enjoy the beauty of what I DO have try my best to please God with what he has given me, and be strong in the battle to continue on in the fight to build my precious family... HIS way. Dear God, I trust you with my life. With my children, with my husband. Thank you so much for the gifts you have given me. I know there is still more to come. Both Brian and I feel it in our hearts. Until the day you remove these desire so rom our hearts, I ask that you give us strengths he endure this time. Please bless our efforts. Provide for us like you always have. We love you Lord. Amen.