Last week I felt oddly emotional. I was unmotivated and exhausted.
I realized I hadn't had a period in a loooong time ( typical PCOS) so I hadn't thought much of it.
Something in me told me to test.... I couldn't believe it, a very faint positive. My heart fluttered a little at the thought. I couldn't believe this happened on its own. I took another and saw the same.
A few days later i tested negative. I started cramping and bleeding. Now heavy bleeding.
My heart broke and I cried it out. It hurt, really, surprisingly hurt, but I'm okay now.
My heart is so ready for another baby...
On a separate note. The sermon at church today was amazing. My emotions were allll over the place. Our pastor made a comment about "would your life go on if you lost your spouse?" I thought... Yes, it would suck but Brian isn't Jesus, he isn't my God. Then he asked " if you lost your children?"........ Loose my CHILDREN????? Noooooooo.... My heart broke. I literally just burst into tears at the thought and realized... I haven't fully trusted them over to God. I am idolizing them, in a way. They aren't mine. They were lent to me, generously... And only God knows their days. I have to give them over to Him. My life would have to go on...
But I know. I know God is on complete control and I trust Him. I trust Him with my whole heart and my whole life. Even with the unthinkable. I trust Hom. And I always will.
Anyways. That was my week. I am resting now. Heat pad on my tummy.
Vegging out.
Life is good. Hard times suck, but my hope is in Him!
