I am back!

So i have to say, i was insanely nervous/ scared when I got there My dr was so awesome about it and explained it all very clearly. He also numbed my vaginal wall before he actually went in which i did NOT expect, it pinched really bad but made the larger needle not nearly as bad as I had imagined. It was painful going in, but manageable. He then used the u/s machine to guide the needle to my right ovary and pointed out the follicles he was going to "aspirate". Each time he would kinda shove it in like a dart, then pull out the fluid. He did about 3 big ones and a smaller one just to be safe. He ended up leaving four follicles. He said there is still a higher risk for multiples, but much more minimal now. He felt good about going ahead with the IUI now. So they took my estrodiol again ( I am waiting to hear back on those numbers) and if they are on the low side again I will take another dose of injectables, and then trigger tonight. If they are looking good, i will just trigger tonight and then go in Wednesday morning for our IUI

It definitely wasn't FUN, but it was a great alternative than to cancel our cycle completely.

CD11... This is not what I expected.

Well I am back... not taking the meds didn't do much help :( I had about 6 eggs. I think it was like two 16's, three 14's, and a 13.
He said that we could cancel by triggering and not doing the IUI or intercourse, but he still didn't like the thought of potentially 6 eggs floating around in me. We could try to switch to IVF (yeah right, $$) OR he could aspirate some of the follicles reducing the chance of multiple pregnancy. I had never heard of this option?? I did some research and definitely see the benefits. I wouldn't have to cancel, I would still have a shot with the 2 or 3 follicles he will leave in tact, however he did say it would be very uncomfortable for a few minutes. He gave me a prescription for some vicoden (I hope it helps) and I am set up to go in at 11:30 AM tomorrow for that, then I would trigger tomorrow evening and come in for the IUI wednesday morning.
*PHEW* that was a lot. I really was NOT planning on a cycle like this. I hope it all works out okay.


* Update. They called and left a message saying that my estrodiol went down to 343, which I can only assume is the result from cutting back my meds to one amp friday and NONE Saturday. I will find out for sure tomorrow. They told me also to take my meds tonight. I don't know if that meant one or two amps. Since my estrodiol was so low I just did one amp at noon and another at 7:00 pm. It won't matter either way since I am having the reduction tomorrow. I will let you all know how it went!

Cd 10

It feels really weird not giving myself an injection today! Yesterday I was worried about over stimulating, and now I am worried that missing one day of injections is going to screw everything up :/
Hearing him say that the follicles under 14 mm are HMG dependant to grow makes me nervous that the few that we were hoping would reach 14 last night with the 1 amp haven't reached it and will now die off too... I am drinking my peppermint tea like crazy today, since I am convinced that it is the difference between this cycle and the last.
For those who have no idea what I am talking about, I am referring to the effects that peppermint tea has on those diagnosed with PCOS. It is proven to help ease some of the effects by blocking the androgens (testosterone) which women with PCOS tend to have higher amounts. That combined with the increase of estrogen that happens by stimulating the ovaries with FSH and LH and you get a bigger impact/ response to the meds!

I figure since I am taking the day off meds I can atleast continue blocking those negative hormones and allow my estrogen to continue rising on it's own! It will be interesting to see how it works :)

I say I am "worried" about it, but when I think about it I really am not all that worried. More anxious probably. I want to know what is going on in there. I know God has this all under his control. If it isn't meant to be this cycle than it's okay. God knows exactly which sperm and egg need to meet and I cannot wait to see His plan play out. Not mine.
Amazing how with all our technology and modern science how little control we still posses isn't it? God will ALWAYS be the giver of life... ALWAYS.

Lord, remind me everyday that you are in control of my life, my hormone levels, and my future children. Thank you that I DON'T have to worry. I am so blessed to have a heavenly Father who loves me and has his hand in all that I do. Thank you also for giving me knowledge, for giving me the capability and resources to do research and treat this illness of mine. You are so good. Amen.

*Update* CD 9

***********************UPDATE*************************

Finally got off the phone with the nurse. It was unexpected because she made it sound like it was a good thing? She said, "we got your numbers back and you had a nice rise! Go ahead and take only 1 amp today, then none tomorrow and we will see you Sunday morning for an u/s"

My Estrodiol was 473!!!! after 6 injections!

I got the official #'s for my follies as well

L ovary: 13, 9.5, 8

R ovary: 13, 12.5, 11.5, 10

Lining was at 10 mm

My hope is that the 13 on the left, and the 13 and 12.5 on the right will mature and the rest will stay back. We'll see Sunday!

might be over stimming...

I don't know HOW this happened? The only thing I can think of that I have done differently this cycle when compared to last cycle is that I have been drinking lemon water and peppermint tea to help with the negative effects of PCOS.

SO anyway, here is what happened. I told him before we started that I felt different this time. I knew my estrogen was high due to the change in my CM. He checked my lining, which is already 10 mm and he agreed my estrogen was probably increasing greatly.
He then moved to my right ovary. I immediately knew it was different. I had 4 good size follies. One was about 13.5, two 12's and one 11.
my left side THANKFULLY only had one follie about 12.

The good news is that I am responding, and that we aren't completely out YET. He doesn't want to trigger more than 3 mature follicles (since we will never reduce) which I agree with. So the hope is that if we reduce down to ONE AMP today, and then possibly none tomorrow that the little ones will die off and about 2 or 3 will reach maturity. I will have an u/s Sunday to see what's going on in there. He said that once they reach 14 mm they can finish maturing on their own. But until that point anything under 14 needs the gonadotropin stimulation to grow.

I will get my estrogen level in a few hours which will confirm our plan for the next days... I am really nervous. I really don't want to cancel and waste my eggs and money this cycle, but I also REALLY don't want a litter...
I just don't understand why my body is responding like this now...
Please pray for the best results, whatever that may be...

Cd 7 / update on Ronan

This is normally the day in my cycle when I would go in for an ultrasound to see how I am responding. However, my RE noticed that I never show much stimulation by this point in my cycle yet. So he wanted me to come in Friday, CD 9 instead. Not much of a difference but maybe it will save me an extra trip in the long run.
I feel a LOT going on down there. My ovaries have been a little sore lately and I am already having an increase of EWCM! That means my estrodial is definitely rising. I cannot wait to see what the blood work is going to tell me. I don't have much stock in the ultrasounds at this point. If you remember from my previous cycles I basically just went off the #'s until about cd 14 when my dominant follies would pop up out of no where.

On a different note, I need to update everyone on Ronan :)
He is doing so well! He is growing up in to such a little... boy! He just looks like such a KID now!!! He is walking so fast now that it is slowly becoming a run! He is stacking up to 8 blocks high, he turns pages in his books and babbles to himself (first stages of learning to read!) He talks ALL the time, well babbles mostly, but definitely communicates a lot of new words like "all done", "doggy" "yucky" "crackers" "thank you" etc...
He is taking only one nap during the day now but sleeping well through the night (on most nights) He loves climbing just about anything and drumming on just about anything. I will leave you all with some pics and videos :)

The injection

Here is the actual injection process :)

Don't mind my stretch marks and super white skin :p

Mixing meds

For those of you family and friends who weren't following me before when we were trying to conceive with Ronan, here is a video of the injectable process we are going through...

Baseline ultrasound, CHECK!

After a loooong wait in the waiting room I was really thankful Brian was there with Ronan. That would have been a disaster lol.
The ultrasound went perfect! The cyst on my left ovary is gone, and there are just a bunch of tiny little ones all ready for my hormone therapy (HMG) TOMORROW!!! YES! I am starting injections TOMORROW!!! My Estrodial level came back nice and low at 36, and they gave me all my needles and syringes. I think I am going to document our pursuit to child #2 with a video documenting our injections just like we did for Ronan's journey. I love looking back on my old blog postings and videos. It reminds me of just how much God has led me through and how thankful I should be every day that He worked this together the way He did. I cannot wait to see what adventures lie ahead as we go down this road! I know it can be scary, I know it can be wonderful, and I know it is where I am meant to be. God created me to be a mother. I truly love EVERY part of being a stay at home mom. I take my responsibility very seriously and thoroughly LOVE IT! From changing stinky diapers, to taking nature walks, watching him learn is just miraculous to me. Thank you GOD!
I must also mention that I am doing a Bible study on the life of David right now, and it is seriously so interesting. It is getting me all fired up about my God and my role in this world! WOO HOO!!! Can't wait for tomorrow!

At long last! Cycle day ONE!

The time has come to begin my first cycle with injectibles!!!! My "friend" showed up today in full force. OW! I still managed to make my way to Bible study with Ronan (which was fantastic) which pooped him out playing with the other kids so now I have some down time to watch a chick flick and wear a heat pad :)

My baseline ultrasound is scheduled for 11:45 tomorrow AM. I was worried that the cyst that looked like a corpus luteam last week would still be there and be a nuisance, BUT i feel no more pain/pressure in my left side so I feel pretty confident it's gone.
If all goes well tomorrow I will begin my injections Saturday and be looking at a Superbowl IUI/ conception ;) That is... if the Lord wills it. Oh Lord, how amazing it would be to conceive the first try!!! I trust you, and know that your timing is best. I know this well. I love you Lord. I thank you for the OPPORTUNITY to receive this medication and even has the CHANCE to conceive. You are a good God. You know my heart. My desires. It is all in your hands!
Amen!

Roller coaster..

That is what yesterday felt like.

So I was getting excited for my appt. I was really hoping they would say my lining was already really low so we could go ahead and start ASAP. In the back of my mind I ALSO knew that my uterus was feeling heavy, I was having lower back pain... just waiting on good ol' Aunt Flow ;) Then ofcourse there is the VERY slim chance that I could be pregnant... but again, VERY SLIM. So I head into my appt, then do the ultrasound and immediately he can see that my lining is thick, atleast 12 mm. He then looks at my ovaries- Left side is typical with lots of tiny little ones, the biggest around 9 mm. Then to my right ovary which has a bunch of little ones and WHOA a big ol one what is oddly shaped and was obvious to my doctor as a corpus luteam.. wait, I actually ovulated? On my own??? So now he is saying he wants me to take a test in office. I already peed before the appt so... oops. Instead I agree to take a test at home before starting my provera to induce AF.

I was nervous... stupidly nervous. I was so scared to be pregnant on my own. So scared the same thing that happened with Adriel would happen again. NOT AGAIN! Suddenly I was sure I was pregnant... I took the test and there couldn't have been a WHITER second line. DEFINITELY negative. I wasn't sad. I literally was not sad. I was so scared. Part of me thinks it would have been great, cheaper, and ofcourse knows that God is in control. But the other part of me felt like I was right back there, where I was when I lost my baby.

So now I started my Provera, even took a second test to make SURE it wasn't faulty, and it was also very negative. Now I just hope that darn period shows up soon :)

Where are you???

Seriously, the only time I actually want my period to show up, and.... it's no where to be found. I called my clinic today to order a script of progesterone and induce my period, but they actually decided they wanted to do a baseline ultrasound and blood work first to see if I even NEED to induce my period.
If I have a thick lining tomorrow at the u/s they will know I need to use the medication. If it is thin, and my hormone levels are low ( like they would be on cycle day 3) Then I will get to start my injections TOMORROW!!!!!

Brian won't be able to go with me, but my good friend will go with me so she can watch Ronan :) I cannot wait to update you all tomorrow!!! WOO HOO!

Sometimes...

I think it would be really nice to close the bathroom door while I am ... well... you know, taking care of business, however leaving my one year old alone in the front room to get in all sorts of trouble without my supervision is simply not an option.

Other times I rather enjoy the strange company haha. Going to the bathroom will never be the same haha. As soon as I enter the room and sit down, a little boy immediately toddles after me giggling his head off, and my dog follows behind with her ball. I then proceed to simultaneously play fetch with my dog, entertain my son with peek- aboo while he opens and closes the door on me, or he just brings he books and toys in with me and plays on the floor. It is a very strange time, but fun lol.

Yes, this is a "different" post, but I just thought I would share :) I love being a mommy and all the weird things that come with it hehe.

Another scare

So Ronan has been off his medication (daily antibiotics) for about a week now. Three days ago he started acting fussy- take note that 3 days ago he ALSO popped his first upper tooth too, and the other is tailing behind. Other than that there was no other explanation. Shortly following the fussiness his temperature also began to rise. It hung around in the 99's then jumped to 101. We called the dr. and arranged for a urinalysis the following morning. I went ahead and gave him tylenol in the evening knowing I would be able to go back to monitoring his fever in the AM. He sweated a LOT over night and when he woke up, 7 1/2 hours after his dose his fever was gone. We went to the dr anyway, but I turned down the urinalysis, wanting to avoid a cathedar when not necessary. The fever has yet to return!!! I was so sure, and so scared that he was having another kidney infection due to the timing of the fever. We are not out of the woods yet.... If it stays low tomorrow the odds are REALLY low it will come back. Please pray!!!!

OH and on a separate note... my period is due to show any day :) I am currently on CD 31 I think? I have been starting to get cramps here and there so hopefully she arrives SOON so we can have our baseline u/s!!!!!

They have arrived!!!!

30 vials of HMG injectible meds!!!! I literally have everything I need for my upcoming cycle! I am now ONLY waiting on my period, the baseline u/s and bloodwork. I cannot believe it!
It is going to be very interesting to see how I respond this time around. I have been working out regularly, eating healthy, taking my prenatels, extra folic acid, and vit d. I am drinking lemon water and peppermint tea... doing basically all that is within MY control to create a healthy environment to conceive. The rest is up to my very capable God, who surprises me daily with His love and grace.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for even the opportunity to try to conceive. I pray that the medicine works the way it's intended. That my body cooperates and we are able to conceive a healthy viable baby the first attempt. What a change that would be ;) You are amazing God. I trust your plan and am thankful YOU are in charge.

Yours forever,
Melissa