Can I be done now?

The waiting is killing me!!!!!!!!!! I am so scared I am going to have to wait another 2 weeks... I won't even allow the thought that I may have to wait 3 weeks, NO! I will be begging for an induction if he hasn't come by 41 weeks.

Please Lord, let me hold Ronan soon!!! Please prepare my body for labor, and allow Ronan a safe delivery into this world!

This wednesday is the next full moon, apparently a lot of women who are full term go into labor on full moons. I am getting desperate! Wednesday evening I will be standing outside staring at the full moon doing a labor dance ;)

To make matters worst, I am completley bored over here. Hubby is gone working, and I am stuck at home doing nothing but waiting. The highlight of my day today was walking my dog, then baking banana bread... I'm such a loser haha. Atleast I have wednesday to look forward too, no not the full moon (although I am excited for that too) but my mother in law will be flying in. We are going to shop, and cook meals to put in the freazer for after Ronan comes. We will also watch plenty on movies i'm sure. She will be staying in our guest room for awhile because she is also going to help take care of the house and our puppy after Ronan is born so that Brian and I can enjoy our time together as new parents without having to cook and clean :)

But until then, I am left to fight the loneliness and bordem by myself.... Okay, I'm going to go beg the Lord to start my labor again, and officially serve Ronan his eviction notice... ha. ha. ha. kidding ofcourse.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week!!

39 weeks!!!!!

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun! My mom, dad, brother and his wife came to visit us!! Today I had my 39 weeks appt, and apparently gained over 2 lbs this weeks :( I am blaming it on all the food yesterday ;) It will be nice to be able to work out again and have my body back (or get as close to it as I can!)
Speaking of my body... my stretch marks finally started making an appearance. Who did I think I was to escape this ever so distict "mom" trait. OFCOURSE they decided to show up the last week of pregnancy! They aren't bad... yet, but if you look closely in my belly pic, you can see them. They are very low, under my belly. The scratch on my tummy is NOT a stretch mark haha, that was me. I accidently scratched myself while putting on my shirt haha.
The appointment today was pretty much same old same old. He checked my cervix and said that I am atleast making good progress. Ronan is still in a -2 station (head is low) He could fit his finger tip into my cervix, and I am about 50% effaced. He said he would be suprised if I went too far past my due date. I REALLLLY hope he is right. I was REALLY hoping he would be a little EARLY, especially because I know he is not so little anymore. Now I am just hoping and praying he will be on time :)
How is it that I am SO excited to meet him!!! Just the thought that he COULD come any time makes me SO excited and anxious I get all teary! I want him NOW!!! I want to hold him NOW and feed him NOW. This is seriously going to be the longest week ever.

PLEASE little boy, come out! Your mama cannot wait to hold you!!!

Ronan's growth u/s follow up & i added some POLLS!

Well, I'm almost 38 weeks, and as you can remember, at my last appt (5 days ago) my fundal height was still only 33 cm...

Last time (3 weeks ago) he was measuring in the 28th % at about 4lbs 15oz.

Today he was measuring in the 52nd % at about 7lbs 2oz!

I guess he had a growth spurt!!! My ultrasound technician was very sweet and let us watch him do his "practice breathing" for awhile, she also tried to get shots of his face (he has cute chubby cheeks) and feet. So, all is well with little Ronan i cannot wait to have him out! He looks SO CUTE!!!!

I am getting a lot of random pressure in my cervix, accompanied by sharp shooting pains, OUCH!! I hope it's his head pushing into my cervix, causing it to dialate!! I also continue to have a lot of Braxton hicks, which vary in intensity... I cannot wait for them to become regular and painful :) that's weird isn't it? Oh well, I don't care.

Tomorrow is the midnight showing of New Moon, yes I know I am crazy for going to a midnight showing at 9 months pregnant. Even crazier because I have a dr's appointment the next morning!! I THEN will have family coming to visit over the weekend, so it's going to be busy!!! I'm not sure I will be able to come on and update for my 38 week post!

**** OH, and I added a couple Polls on the right side -----> *******
Just for fun, you can make guesses about when he will come, and how much he might weigh at birth. Remember, the u/s can be off by as much as 10% either way... It's not 100% accurate!

Reflecting...

As I was sitting at my computer, I was just remembering how 9 short months ago I was feeling completely defeated. I remember wondering if it would EVER happen again, if I would EVER be a mommy. I wondered if I would ever have the chance to feel a life moving inside of me. I wondered if I would ever get to complain about swollen feet, and feeling like a beached whale. I wondered if I would ever get to experience childbirth, and the moment the doctor would hand over to me my long awaited child...

Then I remember the day when it finally DID happen. I still don't know why I took an at home test. It must have been God nudging my heart. Usually I was terrified of tests. I hated seeing that lonely pink line. It seemed to define me in a way... all alone, and no shadow of a line next to it...
But on March 23rd a shadow of a line DID join my solid pink line. I remember calling my mom, telling her what I thought I might have seen. Then, on the 24th, 11 days past ovulation, I took another test, one that was a little more expensive, but much more reliable. In my heart I was terrified of seeing that stupid pink lonely line, but I somehow knew the second line would be there again, but darker... I waited and waited, and BOOM it showed up.
I remember thinking... "no... no way" All my brain kept saying to myself was, "did it really happen?" The logistics of it all came pouring in, "did a sperm REALLY make it's way to my follicle and fertilize it? Did it really make it's way down my fallopian tube and implant itself in my uterus?? Is there REALLY A BABY GROWING IN MY WOMB???" HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? FINALLY??"

I remember in that moment, being so unsure, but so sure at the same time. I remember the tears that came rushing to my eyes. My heart pounding so fast, and my legs wanting to give out on me. I remember falling to the floor and praising God... Praising him for the miracle he allowed to happen.
I took so many tests that day, and the next day was my blood draw at the clinic to see if I was pregnant. I was so excited I brought my positive tests IN THE OFFICE to show the Nurses haha, they all laughed at me and said congratulations... I must have seemed so silly, but I was so proud of those positive tests.

I will never forget it... Just as I will never forget the very first time I became pregnant with my Adriel. Both such amazing special memories. I'm so thankful that this pregnancy will have a happier ending though. I still miss my Adriel, and I think I always will. I cannot wait to meet him in heaven someday and find out what was so important that God needed to call him home so early. He must be very important up there :)

This blog really has no point but to serve as a reflection I suppose. Remembering the saddness of loosing my Adriel, but also the joy that he brought me when I first found out, and the joy of a second new life, my Ronan. The joys I have felt my entire pregnancy as I have felt him grow. How blessed I have been!!! Thank you Lord for this gift, for the opportunity. I am so thankful that you allowed me the pleasure. This has trully been everything I had hoped for. God, you are TOO good. I am forever thankful for Ronan. I cannot wait to meet him Lord!!! Please keep both of us safe through delivery!
I'm going to meet my son soon!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

37 weeks!!!

I AM FULL TERM!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOORRAYYY!!!!!!!

I had my dr's appt. today, and am officially considered "FULL TERM" what a WONDERFUL FEELING!!!! Doctor felt around my tummy today, and said that he would put him at about 6 lbs, and that he has descended pretty deep into my pelvis. He thinks we will be a Thanksgiving baby :)
I am still measuring small with my uterus, at only 33 cm, as opposed to 37 cm. He said it is likely because I am taller and thinner, and that I am hiding him well. I guess I can live with that, as long as i know he is healthy. So just to be on the safe side we are going to have another ultrasound to make sure everything looks good. We have it scheduled for wednesday, so it will have been 3 weeks from the last ultrasound, exactly.

Other than that, not much else to report! I am starting to feel a little better sickness wise. I'm still congested, and have successfully passed it on to my dear hubby :) poor guy. Don't feel too bad for him though, he has basically had a full week off haha.

Well, that is all for now!! I just prayt that these last few weeks go by quickley and that Ronan stay healthy and safe, growing stronger and stronger for D-DAY!!!

I am SOOOO SICK!

Oh man, the last 2 days have been close to miserable for me. I know it could be worst so I'm trying to count my blessings. However, I think I have the worst head cold that I have had in a loooong time. I am so incredibly plugged up and congested! Nothing seems to help either, I left my humidifier on all night, even sat next to it with a sheet draped over me for a while to breathe in the vapors... my mucas didn't budge. Sleep was pretty hopeless last night. My throat hurt so bad, breathing was uncomfortable!
I am thankful Ronan is still tucked away safely in my womb, because it would be hard to care for a newborn right now, and i would HATE for him to get sick too :(
I keep wondering if me being ill is effecting him at all in anyway. I really hope not. I hope he is blissfully unaware.
Only 3 days until I am considered FULL TERM! I never thought I would make it this far. God is trully gracious. I hope I can repay him by being the best mama I can be. I know that this is who God created me to be, I know when he formed me, he was forming a mother. It has been my heart's desire since I was a child. I cannot wait for the adventures that lie ahead with little Ronan, and hopefully the children to come after him as well.

On a more upsetting note, this week has also been filled with tradgedies :( My cousin had her house broken into, and had many items stolen, although i'm not even sure any of that can compare to the violation you feel after.
We also found out that a close friend of ours had his wife leave him, with their 2 little ones.
And probably the most upsetting is my friend who recently announced her pregnancy, also announced that her precious child has a very rare disease, in which the kidneys did not form properly. The prognosis is not good, in that it is apparently "incompatible with life". Needless to say, I am still praying for a miracle. I do not want this dear friend of mine to know the ache and pain of a loss. There is nothing more painful. So if you are reading this and you feel led, PLEASE say a prayer for my friend and her precious child...

Well, it's back to the couch for me! Sipping hot tea, filling the room with nasty tissues, and cuddling my dog while watching movies :)

36 weeks, I've entered the 9th MONTH!!!!

It's HERE!!! The NINTH MONTH!!!!! YAY!!!!

Things are going well! Ronan is his active little self, and I am more sluggish and tired, achey and sore, hormonal and grumpier than ever ;) But at the same time, I am also the happiest, most blessed woman alive!!!

I had my 36 week appt yesterday, and got my first cervical check. He normally doesn't even check until 40 weeks, but being curious I asked if he could check! I had NOOOOO idea what that actually entailed... I figured it would be something like an anual, where they use a speculum to "peak" inside... IT'S NOT! The next thing I knew he was in up to his ELBOW!!!... ok not really, but it felt like it! HOLY CRAP! It hurt SOOOOOO bad! Not much to report though, he said i was getting soft though! So i guess that is something... however, i will NOT be asking him to check again anytime soon.

I also had my strep b test done, which also wasn't pleasent hehe. They have to swab your um.... *ahem* OTHER hole... like the butt one. hahaha and OUCH!

After that, he measured my uterus height (fundal height) and I'm STILL measuring behind. About 3 cm. Which i read is really common, especially if you carry low, are taller, or more slender, or have well toned abdominal muscles, which all apply to me. So i guess it's a little reassuring, but I like to worry myself needlessly apparently. The Doctor didn't seem worried one bit. He mentioned that he would keep an eye on it, but by the time he would want to do another u/s to compare his growth development, he will be showing up!

I feel like I am SO close to holding him in my arms, but so far away at the same time... I find myself more worried for him NOW than I ever have before. I don't know if it's because I know I'm so close to actually having him and i don't want anything to go wrong now... I... blech I don't know. I'm hardly even making sense. I guess part of me is still just so scared that it's just too good to be true. It's hard for me to ACTUALLY believe that I'm going to be having a BABY!! I still feel "infertile" in some ways. I feel like I just need to actually see him, hold him in my arms, look into his eyes to know, it's all real. I trully DO have a son and he is HERE!!!!

Lord, you know worries. You know the fear that hides in my heart. I pray that you would take it away Lord. I pray you would replace it with anticipation and excitment. With confidence that you are watching over Ronan, and that in a few short weeks he will be in my arms, safe. Please continue to meet his needs in the womb. Please keep him healthy, strong and growing. I love this little boy with all my heart. I SO look forward to meeting the one you have given to me to raise. To see how you have formed him in your own Amazing way. Give me strength these last few weeks to fully trust YOU!!!
I love you Lord!!

Amen.

A little bit of panic!

After handing out halloween treats to all the cute little kids i began noticing that I hadn't felt my little Ronan move for quite awhile, which is NOT normal for him. He is VERY active. I had felt him shift a bit and press up against me, and dh could still heart his heart so i wasn't completely worried. I tried ALLLL the tricks that normally get him to go crazy, like drinking cold water, or orange juice. Laying on my side. Squishing him... He wasn't budging. We called the Dr. and they said to go ahead and come on in since it wasn't his normal- better safe than sorry.
We got there very quickly and they hooked me up to a monitor right away. They monitored him for about 30 minutes. OFCOURSE the minute that the monitors were placed around me Ronan started going bonkers :) that little stinker! Rolling and pushing all over the place. The nurse came in and said that everything looked very healthy. He had several accelerations. She did say however to watch for too many contractions. I guess while being monitored I had 2 big ones (which i felt, but figured were normal) and 1 small one (probably from all the stress)
Anyways, all turned out ok and I'm praising God for keeping my Ronan safe.

The lady next to us in the triage was hilarious to listen to. She had NO clue about... ANYTHING. She said she was in labor and was going to have her baby any minute, but the nurses kept trying to reassure her that she wasn't even 1 cm dialated and that she wasn't far enough along to deliver him. The lady was crazy and kept talking like he was coming out any minute, saying, "if I have him now will he be born at midnight, or 11:00pm due to day lights savings?
DH and I couldn't help but be slightly amused. those poor nurses.

So it was a bit scary, but all ended well. The nurse reassured us that we made the right choice. It's ALWAYS better safe than sorry. And even if he is still moving, but there is a decrease in his normal activity, it's important to find out WHY. So i didn't feel foolish for coming in. Nothing would've stopped me anyway. I will do everything in my power to keep my little man safe, even if I look foolish doing it.

Thank God he is fine. Just a little pistol ;)