Belly pics :)

It's so easy to hear the heart beat on the doppler now. But I can't yet tell if I am only hearing the same one, or both of them??? Either way, hearing one of them, and fast and healthy is better than none at all. I am confidant both are doing well.

Here are some belly pics!!!!

Pre- pregnancy



And today :)




In Ronan news. He is having a wonderful time with his Grammy and Grandpa. We have been back and forth from their house and ours. They are helping watch him so I can stay on bed rest. It has been such a blessing, but I cannot wait to take him back home to his regular routine. My MIL will be flying in on the 1st to stay with us and watch him there. It will be SO nice to be home.

Ronan's language is just blossoming. He says "binky, were are you?" and "Sippy, where are you?" ALL the time lol. He is still very snuggly, which I love, and is completely oblivious to the fact that his life will be changing drastically in 6 months :)
He is so incredibly crazy, silly and full of so much life and energy. He is an absolute JOY! I love every minute I have the little maniac :)

and as for ME, I am sort of a mess of symptoms right now...

Sciatic pain, massive head aches (with a cold) vomiting the last two nights, congestion etc... all on top of the bed rest.

It's a good thing I love these kiddos :)

Ultrasound #4!

At the ripe old age of 9.5 weeks. My twins have had 4 ultrasound!! LOL.

The check up went great yesterday!!! Both babies measuring right on track, baby B is still in the lead.
A and B put on a show and danced for us ;) Their little arms and legs flailing all over. It was just amazing. I forgot how awesome those first movements are. I cannot wait to FEEL it!!!

The clot was measuring much smaller too! It went from

22x64 mm to 40x30 mm to 20x30 mm!!! HORRAY!!!!

The nurse said that she isn't worried. To continue resting, but that it wasn't posing any risk and that she is confident it will just continue getting smaller and smaller. I was so relieved!!!!

Merry Christmas dear ones!!! May God bless you with lots of love and great memories of 2011 and promises of a new and exciting year in 2012!!!

Thank you God!!!

I am SO EXCITED!!!! Brian tried out the fetal doppler tonight just for the heck of it. I was so bummed because my ultrasound was moved to Friday. It was supposed to be today.
God gave me a better gift :) Brian found their heartbeats in less than 5 minutes with the doppler. We tried a couple days ago and couldn't hear yet, but today I could really feel my uterus moving up, and sure enough BOOM! We heard them both chugging away, strong and fast. Totally different sides of my uterus so that is weird hehe, but obviously the clot isn't hindering them. No bleed for about 2 weeks now... DIE CLOT, DIE!!!!
Go babies GO!!!! I am pretty excited, can you tell?????

Praying that the clot is reduced in size Friday!!! But either way... THANK YOU GOD!!!

I am learning that I am very weak...

With all this bed rest and time on my hands, I find that Satan is having a "hay day" with my thoughts. I have been giving myself over to worry, anxiety, paralyzing fears of the "what ifs"...

I worry that this blood clot will never go away. That it will suck the life right out of my miracles, or cause me to deliver these perfectly healthy babies before their ready.
I worry that I will deliver two still born babies and there is literally NOTHING I can do to prevent it...

I know what I am "supposed to do"... The problem is that I scared. I am scared to give it to God because I do not know what He is going to ask me to do...

What if God asks me to fall in love with these babies, but allows the blood clot to destroy their lives, leaving me with the unbearable agony of living without them?

Those are my fears... so there you have it. I am a completely weak human being. How can I call myself a Christian?
Do I not know and believe that God loves these children as much as any other, as much as ME?
That HE purposefully breathed life into them and already knows amount of days they will live?
That HE is in control of their destiny and all the worry and anxiety I produce is only damaging to my mental and physical health???
That I am wasting my life and time on these negative thoughts???
Do I not know that God is good? And that no matter WHAT i can TRUST Him?

What kind of child of God am I, that I have so little faith?...

I want to enjoy every moment I am pregnant.
I want to anticipate each stage of their development and look forward to their birth!
I want to rejoice in the moment, without the fear of what MAY be...
I want to love and trust God, worship Him during this time.
I want to make it through this bed rest and try to somehow enjoy it, learn something about myself.
I want to see Ronan become a big brother and embrace his new siblings.
I want to come out of this a stronger, better woman.

I will appreciate every day I don't bleed ( which is currently 7 days and counting)
I will focus on the good things, and hold on to hope!
I will remind myself that the odds are in my favor, and it is rare to loose a baby to a blood clot.
I will trust God to lead me and my family. I will trust Him with my babies.
I will stop resenting Brian for being able to get out of the house and take his mind off our troubles- and thank God he has such a good job that provides for us.
I will be the best wife and mom that I can be while on bed rest.
I will honor God during this time...

Lord, I am so weak. Please forgive me. Help me to trust you. Lord, you are so good, and I insult you by worrying and being fearful.
I do ask that you heal my body and remove the blood clot, and until you do, I will relax, and have faith.
Thank you for loving me. I cannot wait to spend ETERNITY with you!

Amen.

Ultrasound checkup...

So, right away we saw the babies and that both had heartbeats. He told me he had been a little concerned for baby A, but that he seemed to catch right up and was measuring 8 weeks 5 days. ( I was 8 weeks 3 days) Heart rate for A was 188.
Baby B looked amazing, 8 weeks 6 days with a heart rate of 179. She surprised us with a wiggle! (yes, I am saying 'he' and 'she' lol- it's my prediction :)
So the babies looked great...

My blood baby... AKA stupid blood clot, is still there. SLIGHTLY smaller, but mostly just changing in it's shape. It's more round now and appears to be harmlessly floating in there.
I hate the risk it poses to my precious babies and I want it GONE!!! PLEASE pray that it reabsorbes soon.
I am continuing bedrest until it's gone, or until 12 weeks.... after that it is indefinite...
I have read that most resolve themselves by the 20th week. I hope that is true.

I want these babies so bad. It's almost harder because I can see how healthy and beautiful they are. My heart aches at the small chance that the blood clot could screw it all up.

Lord,
You are the only one who can control this situation. I am powerless. Please, heavenly Father allow that blood clot to be GONE. Please allow the bed rest to do the trick. Spare my babies, and allow them to safely grow in my womb until they are ready to breath the air outside. I ask this in your son's holy name, Amen.

Here is A and B



Baby A


Baby B

8 weeks 1 day.... and a LOT of bed rest :)

So, the scary red blood has been gone since 6 AM Friday morning. Thank you LORD! My doctor told me I would probably still have bleeding, but thankfully so far it's been clear. I have had some light spotting of old blood (TMI- i know)

Living life strapped to my bed isn't amazing, but I really can't complain. My babies are alive, and Lord willing, they are still thriving. Thursday really cannot come soon enough.

I hope to have my ultrasound pics scanned in soon- it's been a little hectic around here...
My mom has been here taking care of Ronan, Brian has been the best, and my church family is blessing us with meals... We are so very blessed.

Please continue to pray for my Babies A and B :) It kills me to not know what is going on in there...

What a horrible night...

So, last night around 6 pm i started leaking fluid. It was pink and quickly started turning bright red... Needless to say, it was horrifying...

I spent all night lying awake in complete terror. I wanted to go to the ER, but my RE told me that he thought it would be okay, and to come in in the morning.
I could NOT see how it was going to be okay with all that blood....

This morning we drove straight to the office and prayed for it to be okay.

Some how, the babies were still chugging away. Heart rates BOTH 179 bpm. Baby A was measuring 7 weeks 2 days ( I am 7 weeks 4 days) so ofcourse that freaked me out... But my doctor wasn't concerned... Baby B however was 7 weeks 5 days.

Beneath the babies was the source of the bleeding. Apparently one of the corners of one of the placentas is detached and pumping blood into my uterus.
It NEEDS to clot or the babies won't get their nourishment... SO I am on strict bedrest for a while...

Please pray that the babes stay strong and my bleeding gets under control. I am still pretty dang scared, but so happy to see that they are okay for now...

It was seriously the WORST day of my life... blech...

I will add pics later... as always, the babies looked perfect and cute as ever :)

7 weeks 2 days

I suppose I should start some belly pics... The problem is that I feel like I already look 4 months pregnant!!!! I am so bloated. And NO I am definitely NOT complaining, but wow. The nausea is pretty intense, along with all the other aches and pains of pregnancy, but it will all be worth it.

Friday I have another ultrasound. I am VERY excited to see the babies again. Lord willing they are growing well, and both hearts are beating away :)

Lord,
Take away my anxieties, allow me to trust and fall in love with these babies. So many scary things can happen during pregnancy, and sadly I have experienced it before. However, I ask that you not allow fear to take over my joy. Lord, help me to embrace these miracle and please DO keep them safe.
Amen

It will be SO GOOD when I can feel them moving, and when I can pick up their heart beats with the doppler...
Until then, I will trust in the Lord...