IUI #2

Cycle day 12, and we had our IUI today :)

we BD'ed every other day last week and we still had 56 million perfect swimmers AFTER the wash!

I am now resting for the rest of the day! We had a wonderful weekend at our church. We attended a marriage conference called, "The Art Of Marriage" It was seriously great!!! I loved the topics covered and how interactive it was. We would have projects where we worked together as a couple to complete, and they were so productive. Brian and I felt so reconnected after :)
I love our marriage. I love how healthy it is. I am forever grateful He designed Brian for me.
The best part?? Ronan was away with Grandma and Grandpa- first time ever! I ofcourse missed him, but after the conference Friday night we stay out as late as we wanted, we came home and didn't have to whisper or tiptoe around the house, we could be as loud as we wanted. We played music, laughed, played games with my Brother in law and his wife, who were also attending the conference... We felt like teenagers again. It was just magical. I loved every minute with my man.

One of the projects was writing eachother love notes. They guided us and told us certain areas to address in the letter, and one of the areas was to tell Brian a way that he demonstrated his love in the past and his leadership as a husband.
I realized as I was writing it how many examples I could come up with, but the one that stood out most was when I found out I had PCOS. I found out it was ME that was preventing that long awaited child we both ached for. Just me.
At that time I was so close to believing the lie that I was less than a woman, that other women were better than me and I had nothing to offer anymore. SO CLOSE. My self esteem was as thin as ice. Brian delicately handled me. He treated me so tenderly, he never ONCE threw it in my face, or even joked about anything that could bring me shame. He COULD have broken me if he wanted. completely shattered me. He had that power. I am convinced that any other man would have. We had some hard moments during that time where I know I was not the most fun to live with. Brian was always gentle and loving- He saved me and protected my fragile self esteem. He built me up, strengthened me. He is my hero, my gift from God.

It really was a fantastic conference. SO glad we had the chance to go. Now it's time to pray that my body is cookin' up a baby!!

Lord, I know I don't deserve anything. You are gracious enough to bless me the way you have. I love you Lord, you are so good. You say that we can ask you Lord for anything. I pray with all my heart that it is in accordance to Your will that we conceive a miracle today. I trust that Your timing is the best. I may not understand it, but I trust it. I ask Lord that you allow us this miracle. Allow us to expand our family. Our hearts ache for more children Lord. It is the most beautiful gift. We thank you for Ronan. Every day.
I ask these things in Your name,
Amen

Cd 10 and trigger shot!

I seriously cannot believe I triggered on CD10! WOW! The u/s went well. My lining was 11.5 and my follicles on the left ovary went from 13, 11, and 10 to 19.5, 16 and 12. Which leaves me with 2 good solid follies :)
On the right I had about five 12 mm's but my doctor didn't seem too concerned. I got the go ahead to trigger that night. I am not even going to go into full detail about the nightmare to get my ovidrel, I will just say that it involved me driving back and forth from Portland many times. The shipping got all messed up and yeah... it was just a nightmare. The important part is that we GOT the medicine and I injected it at 8:00pm! It was a little weird though, you see we were at a marriage conference at our church, Ronan is having his first sleep over at Grandma's. And so during the conference I had to sneak out to the bathroom and give myself the injection lol. Really weird, but strangely fun haha. I took it a little earlier than last time. They say to take it sometime between 8-10pm. I felt like I ovulated a little bit after the iui, which I am sure was just fine, but I began to worry that with Brian's super swimmers that if they were placed in my uterus before the eggs was there, that they would just swim right on out of my tubes and into the uterine cavity- which is what can happen... So I figure, the egg is good for 24 hours I took it RIGHT at 8, where as before I took it around 9:30pm. It probably makes no difference, but I like to feel like I have some control lol.

Anyway that is all for now :) We go back for our second day at the marriage conference tomorrow, I am super excited, then my parents are bringing my boy back home :) I miss him so much already!!!

CD 8 u/s

It was a long drive to the office and the skies decided to snow on us! It was really beautiful though.

I haven't felt nearly as much action this cycle as I did last. I am starting to get more EWCM so I knew the estrogen was increasing nicely. My ultrasound showed a lining of 10 mm with a "nice looking pattern" - as my RE put it.

on my right ovary was basically nothing. Just a bunch of little follies. On the right my follicle was 13, next to it was an 11 and also a 10. They were all kinda clumped together. I was a little bummed not to have one on each side- for some reason it seems like that would increase my odds better- having one egg in each tube waiting for the swimmers. I also understand that there is only so much I can do and then it really doesn't matter because if God wants me to have a baby I am going to get pregnant!

My estrodiol levels went from 25 on cycle day 3 to 291 on cycle day 8! WOW! I didn't think it was going to be that high!! I was hoping MAYBE 100. When I got pg with Ronan on CD 8 I think my levels were only 71? I am hoping this is a good sign. Atleast they are increasing!

I have another u/s Friday to check the progress, and until then I will continue the 2 amps :)
My prediction is that I will trigger Friday or Saturday evening puting this as my shortest cycle to DATE!

Baseline u/s and bloodwork

No cysts! YAY! Everything looked really good. Lots of small little follicles. Time to start injections again. Estrodiol came back awesome and the lowest it's ever been at 25! Let's hope it rises well and not... too well :) My next u/s is on Wednesday. I am on the same protocol as last time, so that is good. Honestly I would rather risk having to do another follicle aspiration then only get one follicle out of this whole ordeal.
I will keep you all updated as things progress!

Let's do it again!!!

My period is here and my baseline u/s and bloodwork are scheduled for Friday @ 10:00 AM. Who knows what God has in store this cycle?? I am anxious to find out :)
When Brian and I started TTC this time around we kept it pretty quiet, and assumed no one would really ask like they did when we had no kids. We got the questions all infertile couples get quite frequently, "do you have any kids?" when will you start a family?" "Why are you waiting so long to start a family?"
I figured now that we have a child all that was behind us... NOPE! I cannot count how many people have been asking us lately, " when is number 2 coming?" Or, "Melissa, you need to have another baby!" It's like they all know we are trying??? What the heck?? Those questions make me excited, but mostly they bring about feelings of insecurity. I spent some time in prayer today asking my heavenly Father to give me patience and a reassurance. I want His will to be my will. I ache for more children and I believe God has the intention of building my family more, but I want to be sure it is truly what HE wants and not JUST my own desires. I will continue trying, and believing that if this is not the plan God has for my life that he will block this path and show me where He does want me.

It's false! Wait? is it positive? No... it's false... Crap.

I took a test with FMU at 7:02 AM I saw the negative, crawled back into bed with my husband and called out the "Time of Death" for this cycle... 7:02 AM... Brian got up ten minutes later, looked at the test and said, I thought there was only supposed to be one line if it's negative? I ofcourse jump over to see what he is talking about. Sure enough there is a faint line! In disbelief I asked Brian to go to the store and get some Answer tests. I used the same urine kept in the cup for the more accurate test. I am actually getting kinda excited now. After all, I had been feeling achy cramps and all the other symptoms you feel in early pregnancy. I thought for a brief moment this might actually be it! I watched as the dye moved right over the space that was supposed to be turning pink to form a second line... completely negative. Not even a faint line. What a roller coaster! I was pretty flustered after that, and a little heart broken. Brian had a odd shift and had to go to work, leaving me to go to church alone. It was good though. I think I needed to be alone and work through it. I had a great time at church, had fellowship with some wonderful women and praised and worshiped God.

I have so much to be thankful for, and having my first cycle fail is nothing. It just means it wasn't the right time God had in store for us. Bringing a new life into this world is a big deal. God has very specific plans for each one of us. That means he even has specific plans for my next child and he or she needs to be conceived and born at just the right time in order to execute His plans according to His will.

I also want to say thank you to ALL of you who read my blog and leave encouraging notes to me. You have no idea how much it lifts my spirits and ministers to my heart! I am going to try to make sure I return the gift and post on your guys' blogs too. We need to be there for our sisters and show our love <3

stark white

The trigger has officially left the building.

I am a little sad. My line looks really lonely now :(

I am trying to remind myself that last time I didn't even get a positive until later in the evening of 10 DPO.
Yet I cannot deny that I am feeling a little discouraged. I thought it would be so awesome for a change to have gotten pregnant the FIRST time I tried :) I will continue to wait and see what God has in store. I trust Him completely.

8 DPO

It's been ten days since the trigger. It should definitely be out by now. My test looks mostly negative but in person I can still see some color over the 2nd line. The test today looks exactly what my true BFP looked like at 10 DPO in the evening when I was pregnant with Ronan. However there really is no way of knowing at this point. My guess is it's still the trigger. If anything is there tomorrow I will start to wonder...

6 DPO

Last night I had some bloating/ cramping, but nothing too uncomfortable. Today was much of the same. I feel normal though for the most part.
Here is hoping the line is completely gone tomorrow! It was very very faint this morning, even with first morning urine. The HCG is just about gone.

5 DPO

Line still there.

I am having a lot of cramping and bloat today. I don't remember if this is from the progesterone. Probably as it is early still for a baby to implant. However from here until 12 DPO would be the appropriate time for implantation.

I am praying for a blessing :)

Testing out trigger

I am 4 DPO (days past ovulation) and 6 DPT (days past trigger) As you can see from the pic below the trigger is already almost out!!

My hope is that I will soon see the line disappear so that way when it REappears (God willing :) that it will be for real and not because of the trigger!!!

IUI completed :)

I am officially in the 2 week wait. Actually 10 day wait. I am sure I will be testing out my trigger shot soon and praying for that beautiful 2nd line to pop up in around 10 days.
The IUI went very smooth. My doctor wasn't there due to food poisoning (yuck!) but one of the other RE's was happy to fill in for him. She was very sweet. She said Brian's count was excellent 56 million swimmers are currently searching for my four eggs! It is crazy to think and wonder what is happening inside my body while I type this blog. Sometimes I wish I had a little window to peak in on my reproductive organs lol.

My lining was really good too this cycle. Even before my trigger shot my lining was 14 mm. A nice thick lining for my baby to implant hopefully :)

One of my awesome friends who is also a stay at home mommy watched Ronan for us while we were at the dr. So it was a great visit! Our appts are always two hours apart. The first was 7:45 am (when we give the sample) and the second at 9:45, so during that gap we went down the street and had some breakfast at Denny's It was actually really fun :)
Our blood pregnancy test is scheduled for valentines day :)