Hello December!!!!

Last year I was on bed rest for the holidays. I didn't get to do all the Christmas things I wanted to, in fact, I was terrified the entire time, and hardly even enjoyed Christmas.
This year I have gone a little over board :)
My whole house is totally decked out. It is a Christmas wonderland over here. I really need to get some pics :)
Ronan loves all the lights, he is really into the nativity set, and our books about baby Jesus. It's so much fun, and I just couldn't be happier right now!!! This is going t be the best Christmas EVER!!!

The twins are rolling all over the place, and even attempting to army crawl!!! Their adjusted age is only 4 1/2 months! What is going on with them?!

This week we are going to visit our RE and introduce the twins to him. I am so excited to take them back.... And whisper a "hi" to my other two miracles on ice... " mommy will come back for you in a couple years little ones!!"

Brian and I decided not to do presents this year, we are working really hard on getting rid of all our debt. Instead we are doing desert exchanges with our families, and fun homemade cards. E kids will have some presents to open and that will be fun :)

Ronan's third birthday is also creeping up!!!! Next week we are celebrating at me church. We are using one of the big rooms and two bouncy houses :) he chose a "pirate" themed party. He is so excited. We are all going to dress up :)

I have also been learning how to shoot a bow and arrow! I feel very... Katniss ;) my sister took up archery and is showing me the way. We have a sister date coming up, and we're going to a shooting range. I am super excited.

ALSO! Brian and I have decided to do the Warrior Dash September 2013! I have always wanted to do it, but e whole trying to conceive, and pregnancy stuff has always been in the way :)
Nothing is stoping us this year!!!
For anyone who doesn't know, the Warrior Dash is a 3 mile obstacle course/ race for st Jude's Hospital! It's the biggest obstacle course in the world! It is super intense, it mostly fun. By the end, you are just covered in mud :)
I cannot wait to train with Brian and get filthy in September!!!

Also in September we are planning a trip to DISNEYLAND!!!!! I am beyond excited!!!! My whole family is going, so the Grand parents can help watch the kids while Brian and I relive our youth and go crazy on rides!!!! I am literally LIVING for September 2013 lol.

I hope everyone enjoys this Christmas season as much as I am going to. May we all be blessed with love, joy, peace and God's beautiful gift of Jesus!!!!!

Content with my role

My pastor has been giving sermons about manhood vs womanhood. I am not going to go into full detail here, but the sermons have been so moving to me and are helping me shift my focus.

Lately I have been experiencing a misplaced guilt. My whole life I have dreamed about being a wife and at home mom. It's always been my passion, my dream. Of course I have other interests too, aspirations, desires, but none more important than the task of raising children to know and love the Lord. Build up a husband, experience true, self less love, and grow old with my family.
But the world tugs at my heart sometimes. It tells me that as a stay at home mom i an ignorant, that I am lazy, uninformed, uneducated, a shut in, with no social life. The world looks at me with pity, or embarrassment. As if I am wasting my life. And sometimes I believe it. I grow anxious about finding a job, going back to school to prove my intelligence, or to prove that I am still a fun, social woman. I worry I am " losing myself", when I should really be embracing my role.
I don't care what the world says. I AM intelligent!! I have to be a nurse to my children, a preschool teacher, an entertainer lol, and don't even get me started on all my knowledge of reproduction and early pregnancy haha. I am a cook, a maid, I do finances, plan creative date nights, I am an artist, musician, I am available to my neighbors... I am a wife and mom. I am a servant to God. I can't think of anything else much more important. I am finding the beauty, importance and joy in my role!

I am also getting excited about the influence I have over my growing boys. I am the only woman in their life, day on and day out. I have such a beautiful role in how they will grow up and form opinions about women and how they should be treated. These boys are so blessed to have Brian and I, and we are so blessed to have them. I am so excited for our future, and I am enjoying our present. I hope you all are too. And if you are prone to hearing the enemies lies, I pray that you will be able to shut him out!!

No matter what your circumstances are ( I understand that there are women who love to work, and some that wish they could be home, but cannot afford it) this is not to say that you are wrong, in fact, only Satan wants you to feel that way, or experience guilt. Every family is different, and that is okay!!

The enemy would just love to find your week spot and cause you to experience guilt and anxiety. As women, we need to just shut him up and enjoy our roles as women!!!!

I must be doing something right...

Every week I take the boys to a play group at my church, we share toys, snacks and use the church bouncy house.
All the kids are very sweet, and very dominantly BOYS!
This can be very fun, and also challenging. Boys can be a little more territorial at times, so you can imagine a little conflict from time to time...
Well even with all the testosterone my oldest boy, my Ronan, makes me so so proud... He is the kindest friend. He enjoys playing with all the kids, and SO FAR, shows no prejudice. He rarely ever takes toys from his friends and doesn't get upset when others do. When a friend is sad or upset you can see it on Ronan's face. He becomes very concerned for them and wants to comfort them.
A couple days ago he met a new " friend" who had some special needs. Ronan was a little curious with his behavior, but after a few minuets of observation, decided that he wanted to play with this new friend too. Ronan shared his toys with him, jumped in the bouncy house with him and they all shared snacks together. When the other kids had melt downs and fought, my little man was confused and just wanted to keep playing.
This is not to say that my 2 year old is perfect and never melts down lol. He has his moments... But his character deep down, the core if who he is and is growing to be is just... Inspiring.

I am so proud of Ronan :)

Testing, testing 1,2,3

So, I got a new iPhone and I am hoping the accessibility will make blogging easier!! So this is a test from my phone!

No time!!!!

I apologize for the lack of blogging lately. Although I am sure you all understand WHY :) I am frustrated though. I always like to include pics, but I can't figure out how to do it on my iPad :( What has life been like for little old me? Well, I have been back to pre pregnancy weight for a while, keeping it off, and it seriously feels so good. Brian and I are doing better than ever. I think we are slightly over compensating because we know how crazy our lives are. We pray together every night, and try to fully take advantage of any moment we are alooooone together ;) we have great discussions, goals, and just plain fun! I am so pleased with the man God chose for me. He is such a great husband and father. I have an appointment with a pain management doctor for frequent headaches. They are just getting worste and worste. I will most likely start getting cortisone, or Botox injections at the base of my head/ neck area. So, I am definitely looking forward to some pain relief. Ronan's vocabulary has exploded and he is talking full sentences. Also, he has turned into quite the comedian. That I'd has me laughing all day. He is mostly very well behaved too. I actually managed to take all three boys to the zoo by myself the other day. Yes, people looked at me as if I was a freak show, but we had a great time :) Art is his new favorite pass time, with the weather turning colder it's harder to get outside and enjoy his sand box, his previous favorite. He loves to color. He is also learning Spanish. He loves it! The twins are doing great. Getting very Riley poley. Don't worry, I will be sure to add some pics very soon Kaden is making excellent eye contact and recently discoverd his voice. Unlike his brother Trystan who has been cooing for weeks and just recently started laughing :) They are both batting at toys, grasping and putting into their mouth. Tracking me wherever I go, and even more so, tracking big brother :) Fall is my favorite season, and we already have 2 trips to pumpkin patches planned. One of those being my husband's 29th birthday!!! His last before the 30's. I can't believe it! We are getting so old ;) I am getting Ronan all hyped up for Christmas, the story of Jesus, fun Christmas songs, the lights. It's just so amazing to experience Christmas with your children. I never knew I would enjoy it this much. It really makes it so much more special. I just realized I will need TWO more stockings this year!!! And then I think back to last year.... We were stimming at this point. My retrieval was October 31st, their conception date. It's just all so surreal. All that we have been through, it was all worth it... And we still have 2 more munchkins waiting. My heart has two spots just waiting to be filled by them. Seeing Kaden and Trystan here, in my arms, and not as a blastocyst has me so excited about what heir frozen siblings will look like! But.... That is still a few years away :) Well, it's getti late, and I think I may get to sleep. Allll the boys are tucked in, and it's time for me to retire too. Hope all is well with all my friends out there! Thanks for following me, and caring about me and my little family, even though I have been slacking in the posts :)

10 weeks postpartum

Check me out!!!!! 2 months after twins and I am back to pre pregnancy weight!! I am so excited. It feels so great to have my body back. And with that comes an increase in my energy level, and just an all around confidence builder! I wish I had pictures to show you of Kaden and Trystan being dedicated today in church, but we only did a video. Maybe I can get the video on here. It was a very special day. The boys wore cute matching outfits,we all stood before our church and Brian read allowed our chosen verses for the boys. For Kaden we chose: 24 “‘“The Lord bless you     and keep you; 25 the Lord make his face shine on you     and be gracious to you; 26 the Lord turn his face toward you     and give you peace.”’ For Trystan we chose: 13 For you created my inmost being;     you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;     your works are wonderful,     I know that full well. Ronan loved the extra attention too :) My little man Ronan has been blooming so much lately. His imagination is really taking off, and it is so much fun to see all his adventures unfold haha. He is also really doing great all potty training. Since I don't have time to consistently take him to the potty, we just leave his diaper off and he goes on his own, and is rewarded wi chocolate chips :) he has onlypeed on the floor a few times! His language is just exploading too! Suddenly he is speaking full sentences! I am so proud of him. The twins are sleeping better and for longer stretches, which is very nice. It's just getting better and better :) Tomorrow we are taking all the boys to my husband's boss's house for a party. All the managers and up were invited to his ginormous house with an indoor pool and such :) I am excited to dress up and take all my boys :) Maybe I will even think to snap a picture of Brian and I :) Hope everyone enjoys their labor day weekend!!!

Catching up!

The boys are 9 1/2 weeks OLD!!!! They are over 2 months old now! I seriously cannot believe how fast it is all going by! Our summer has been surprisingly smooth. My husband had over a month off to be with the boys and help the transition, and it was all paid! We felt very blessed. We've been on many trips to the park, we went to two fairs (the county, and the state fair) We took Ronan to the Air show, the twins have even crossed a state line already and visited Washington to meet family. I even took them all to the park on my own for the first time. I was super excited and proud of myself :)

last year:

This year:

I love watching our family grow!!! I also love watching Ronan develop a relationship with his new brothers, and love on them :)

Ronan loves holding the boys, kissing them, taking baths and giving bottles. Every night after bath we all pile onto Ronan's bed (we moved the queen sized guest bed to his room- he will sleep on his toddler bed in the babies' room when guests stay over) and we all snuggle in the big bed, and read books in our jammies, followed by family prayer time. It's a wonderful night time routine. Our life is so busy, but bursting with love. Somehow Brian and I even find time together, and it just seems to be better than ever! I am so in love with my family, so in love with my husband, and so in love with my Lord who has given me this small taste of Heaven.

7 weeks!

Can it really be??? Has it really been 5 weeks since my last post? Life with 3 kids under 3 is.... Crazy!!!!!!!! I feel so very very blessed, but holy cow, a minute to myself is so hard to find! I have been extremely lucky to have my MIL staying with us for a few weeks. Helping us make a schedule for the boys. The hardest time is feeding time. I was so frustrated about nursing. It just wasn't happening the way I had hoped. The boys take over an hour to nurse, and then still want to be " topped off" with a bottle. And with a very active 2 year running about, it was just overwhelming. I decided to just pump my milk and do bottle feeds. I still comfort nurse, but this is just what is working for us right now. Kaden is such a tiny little peanut, although I have a feeling he has a growth spurt coming up. Trystan is a little moose!!! He is so chunky compared to his older, more petite brother haha. They really couldn't be more different and I am loving that about them. Ronan is a fantastic older brother. He loves to help and give them hugs and kisses. Our family is going through a whole host of changes right now, but they are all good ones. Well, I am done pumping, so I have to sign off for now. I will try to post a few pics later :)

2 weeks

Kaden and Trystan had their 2 week check up today. All is well and they have officially passed their birth weights by 3.5 oz each! I am so proud of them:) Life is busy, as you can imagine,but honestly not much more than just one. They have the same schedule, so it's mostly manageable.... Not, manageable, amazing :) I feel so fulfilled and blessed. Tired for sure, but mostly just so so happy. In other news, one of my dear friends took some amazing newborn pics of the twins. I want to share them with y'all and hope you love them too :) Oh, but before those, here is a pic of me with the boys. I love this pic :)

Pictures

A few days before the twins arrival Just after birth Kaden Kenneth and Trystan Travis Daddy and Kaden Daddy and Trystan Things are going well, the boys had their first check up today I am getting a little nervous of what it's going to be like when Brian goes back to work. My Mother in law was going to stay and help, but she is leaving on Sunday. A lot sooner than I had planned, so I am having some anxiety over that, especially since I am still in so much pain. Praying the Lord will give us both strength for what is to come and heal me quickly. All in all, I am one happy mother of three. AND I got them all in by 26... I turn 27 on Sunday, and I just really didn't want to be 27 yet lol I also didn't want to share my birthday ;)

Here we goooooo

Dont have much time. But I though I would jump on here and let y'all know, they decided the benefits out weighed the risks to deliver me today. Yikes!!!! Please pray for a safe delivery and ultimately that each boy is healthy and ready to come home when I am.

Admitted

Well, 24 hr urine test came back. Protein was much to high, still in the mild range, the most concerning thing for the on call doctor was my platelet count. It was going down, which indicates

pre-e. they told me to come in right away. We packed our bags and headed out, scared, nervous, and a little excited. The doctor had made mention of possibly doing an early delivery and sounded all hunky dory on that. When I met her in real life, she was anything BUT! She opened by telling me how much risk I am in for seizures and HELLP syndrome. Then told me their NICU is full, so if I did deliver early, as she thought I might, then they would need to be taken or flown to another hospital.... Nice" I could go with them ofcourse but seriously????? After she left my nurse confided in me that they see 35 weekers all the time do great. I will be 36 weeks 3 days....don't they think I can make it t o then" My platelets counts went from 194 to 107, to 91. 100 is the danger zone 80 is when they can no longer administer an epidural, so you are forced to be knocked out witha section. More than anything I want to hear those first cries I have been dreaming about... Everything is very touch and go right now, which I hate btw, I like to KNOW what is happening or what WILL happen.... So please pray for me, pray for the kids. I just want this to be over and every one okay,a healhty ahappya and at home".... Home :(

What they don't tell you...

About the 24 hour urine test. You may top off your jug for collecting urine IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Oh, and not only that, but now you have to humbly ask your tired sleepy husband to go down stairs and find you something new to pee in. I love my husband, and he got up with no hesitation, and found something for me... But seriously? How humiliating. My body is so sore. So sore that I don't sleep. Therefore I get horrid head aches. My legs and ankles are very swollen, it hurts to walk. My hands feel so tight that it hurts to use them. My tummy is SO BIG that I literally have to roll anywhere. No core strength what so ever. My ribs feel like they might bust any minute. Varicose veins haunt my legs and... Ahem, lady parts. When I bend over, my belly button feels like it might rip. I am a serious mess. I am not saying all this to whine and complain. I am saying this to try and paint a picture of how humbling this whole pregnancy thing is. I am use to being self sufficient. I like to keep my appearance looking nice. I like to stay busy. And while Brian has had to do a lot of weird things for me, and has seen me do just about every thing a girl does in private ( and vice versa- we aren't private people) it is still embarrassing to have to ask him to find you a new pee jug, TWICE, and transfer your pee for you because your hands are so swollen you can't work the lid or control the transfer :/ 4 more days. 4 more days until I reach my goal. Lord willing these babies will be as ready as I am, and will come. I return the sample today, give more blood, then tomorrow I have another impromptu appointment with the on call doctor at the hospital to go over lab work and "discuss" So in the mean time, I would appreciate some good prayers. Mostly, always for the boys and their health. I can handle the pain, and the discomforts ( although it would be nice not to develop pre-E... And if any of you ladies are single out there.... Make this a lesson. Marry a good guy. No, a great one. Like my Brian. The kind who will carry your pee around for you, without hesitation, or even a hint of demoralizing you.

Hmmm.....

Good news and bad news today. Let's start with the good! Growth ultrasound showed the boys growing at excellent rates. I was hoping and praying they would be close to 5 lbs at this point... Kaden was 5 lbs 9 oz, Trystan was 5 lbs 8 oz! Wowza!!! The tech was very impressed. She also saw that they were " practice breathing" along with moving quite frequently. They appear to be very very healthy boys. NST went well. Showed good accels, and movement, as well as quite frequent contractions. The bad? Well, I kinda had a feeling. I have been swelling up a LOT and gaining water weight. The result? Protein in my urine. They talked briefly about the risks then sent me up to get some blood drawn, and my bucket to pee in.... What I have learned so far? Refrigerated pee STINKS. I am on modified bed rest today drinking water and limiting my sugar and salt intake. The good news is that I am no longer afraid of delivering. The boys look so good, I know that at any point now they would do just fine. Every extra day to bake though is that much better. A bonus. Anyway, that is my update :) I am praying for no hospitalization, as it would be so hard to be away from my boy :( but these boys need the best from their mama too, so.... Whatever it takes. God is good, and I am trusting in Him and the doctors he has provided.

35 weeks!!!

6 days left until I reach my long awaited goal for the boys! This will likely mean NO NICU TIME!!!!!! My body is.... SORE lol. Kaden, my sweet baby A is just killing my cervix and bladder. He pushes down so hard that it just sends shooting pains, dull achey pains, and it feels like any minute he could just push himself right out!!! OH and I might pee myself any minute LOL Trystan, Baby B, loves to stretch and stretch. His head buldges out, and his bottom buldges out. It hurts like heck, but man is it cute :) I cannot wait to see these wiggles on the outside. I am literally DYING to meet these little fellas! Tomorrow is a growth scan, and an NST, AND my regular OB appt. SOOOOOOOO if you haven't voted yet on my boys delivery time, weight, length etc.... DO IT!!!! ;) it's going to be fun to see who wins!!! I will update as soon as I can. And I will leave you all with my latest belly pic And here is a pic from my new ipad ( i got my birthday present early from Brian :) I took this during my NST hehehe I am currently dilated 2 cm and about 50% effaced- as of last week. I am not sure I will get check tomorrow, as it doesn't reallllly matter at this point. Lots of braxton hicks that feel like they are doing some "work" down there, and some real contractions mixed in there as well, all very irregular though. I am kinda, no, TOTALLY hoping for a different labot experience this time. I really want my water to break, or to loose my mucas plug, something obvious. Maybe that is totally weird.... but it's what I am kinda fantasizing about hahahaa. Please continue to pray for Kaden and Trystan. That they present themselves well when the time comes and can BOTH come vaginally, healthy, safe, and thriving. Also that they will be able to come right home with us. Please pray for Ronan's transition, that he would be excited to meet his brothers and still feel loved by Brian and myself. Thank you all for your love and support :)

Come GUESS!!!!!

Click on the link and make a guess for Kaden and Trystan!!! Can't wait to see who the big winner will be :)

33 weeks!!!!

Today was kinda crazy. I was going to start off my morning with a hot vanilla chai on my way to the appt.... WELL, that fell apart the moment I saw the LINE at the coffee shop :( Then I drove to my sister's house to drop off the kiddo. No answer at the door... Stood there with a crying toddler wanting to see his auntie for a good 10 minutes before I gave up. No answer. I was getting worried so I called my mom to let her know, then took Ronan with me... I was now stuck in rush hour traffic running very late.... So much for my casual morning. I tried to call my Hubby but, he wasn't answering either!!!! I left him a message at his work and continued driving. I got there and had to take Ronan into the bathroom with me for my urine sample. Then I had to go.... *ahem* number 2.... and Ronan, my sweet little son yells loud enough that I am SURE others heard, "YUCKY POOPY!" LOL.... oh boy. I finally get out of the bathroom, and my hero arrives!!!! He had gotten my message and rushed over to help *sigh* I love him! Jumped on the scale... still weigh 177. I started at 130 ish. Uterus is still consistently measuring 5 weeks ahead- so 38 weeks. If I stay on this track then I will likely deliver in about 3 weeks, since I delivered Ronan at 41 weeks- and my uterus will be measuring 41 weeks in 3 weeks. Next was the NST which went well, and showed "happy healthy babies" Then it was onto home.... Ronan is asleep now and I am finally resting... My Mother in law will be here in a few days to stay until the boys are delivered. She is also staying to help me get into a routine with my new family- doing the cooking and cleaning, and playing with Ronan :) THREE WEEKS UNTIL FULL TERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a pic from today:

31 weeks and an AWESOME ultrasound!

What a great day today! The further and further I get, the better I feel :) I am praying for these little monkeys to reach atleast 5 lbs each and stay in until atleast 36 weeks, at which point I will feel fantastic about delivering because they will then be considered FULL TERM! At the ultrasound we found that both boys are in the 50th % for growth, weighing 3 lbs 12 oz, and 3 lbs 10 oz. WOO HOO! They are almost 4 pounders at only 31 weeks!!!!!! Also, they both had the exact same HR! lol 153 BPM. The tech kept mentioning how great they looked, healthy and very VERY active :) Another fantastic surprise???? We FINALLY saw Kaden's face and profile! Wanna see??? Ofourse you do ;)

The house is ready to go! I mean, seriously I have everything ready to go for my two newest boys! Today I got my new diaper bag, which I will need to upload pictures of later because it is absolutely adorable! I also got my nursing cover in the mail today too!!! It is picture perfect for twins. It has a built in nursing cover (made of mesh) so I can nurse both boys at once and be completely covered without using my hands :) AWESOME, pics to come on that too :) Here is some pics of our house transformed as we get ready for babies!!!! Where the boys will sleep (by our bed) And the nursery... Changing station, cute little toys given as gifts, and a lamp that goes with our theme The boy's closet, packed with 0-3 month clothes and LOTS of diapers. My mom painted a picture for each boy, themed after "Fox and the Hound" This is Kaden's And Trystan's Quilt with the nursery theme, and matching hamper I am such a giddy little mess right now :) AHHHHH!!!! Lord, this is really happening! My perfect little embryos, those tiny little cells have bloomed into these miraculous perfect, HEALTHY BOYS!!!!!! Please Lord, help the next 4 weeks to ZOOM BY!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring these boys safe to my arms. You are Good... you are GOD, and I am so happy to be your daughter and have this enormous responsibility. I will do it right Lord. I will be an awesome mom to these boys. Thank you SO much for this gift :)