Merry Christmas!!!!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day!!!!

We are bursting at the seams with love this year. Thankful to be starting the 3rd trimester with little Lincoln, and enjoying the ones in our arms.

Halfway done!!!!!!

We had our anatomy scan yesterday. Lincoln Oliver is so amazingly beautiful. So perfect, wonderfully formed. We saw no red flags, just a handsome little boy :)Still praising God over this miracle boy!!!!!

Lincoln Oliver Holman

We had our gender ultrasound on Saturday. It was such a fun experience!!!

Myself, Brian, our boys, my mom and my MIL. All together in the perfect room, which resembled more of a family room. With toys fort he kids to play with,a. Big bed for me to lay on.
The tech started right away! We looked at the precious little baby before us. Kicking, stretching, sucking it's thumb.... Then she pointed out the boy parts, or how she so delicately put it "his turtle is poking out" lol!!!
We all erupted in cheers shouting his name, "Lincoln Oliver!!!" Ronan looked at his littlest brother on the big screen and spoke to him in his perfect 4 year old voice. Hi Lincoln Oliver! HI!!! Look at my book! I will read it to you!

The twins shouted his name next. Oh how sweet to hear the name of my youngest from the little lips of my 2 year olds for the first time, "Winkon Owiver!!!"

So there you have it! Our happy happy news! A 4th son! Here is our Facebook announcement

15 weeks!

Wow, this pregnancy is going by so fast! I am very busy right now with my volleyball schedule. Our team is doing so great and I am having so much fun, but I am so totally exhausted!!!Ronan is in full on school mode. Yes, my 4 year old. That kid loves his work books. Every day at 9:00 we have school time. We all go into the school room and Ronan does his math work book, addition and subtraction, first grade level!!! He also practices reading and his other work books.The twins, who are 2, love their puzzles, and coloring. Making towers with Legos and using their marble run.And I sit on hour floor and facilitate lol.I am starting to feel little flutters from this baby :) and verrrrry soon we will be finding out the gender. We have names picked out for a son and daughter. I love them both so much! Can't wait to find out which one we will use!!!!Yesterday I had an OB appt. I got to take a sneak peak at the baby :)My OB also discussed the birth plan. He suggests a VBAC which is what I want, but I want to labor at the hospital. Call me crazy, I don't care. But after having losses, I love being around doctors. So even with the 1% chance of uterine rupture during labor? I want to be labor ing THERE. So he suggested an induction around 39 weeks. I do REALLY well being induced. Ronan was induced at about 41 weeks. Kaden and Trystan at 35. Kaden came SO easy after they broke my water. Trystan got stuck transverse with his cord- which was the reason for the c-section.So all in all, I feel REALLY good about everything. Can not wait to find out!!!!!Ronan is hoping for another boy. "So we can have FOUR boys and I can call us, 'THE HOLMAN BROTHERS!!!!'"Kaden and Trystan both say it's a girl.I think it's probably a boy lol. My heart and gut said girl from the beginning... But my heart and gut are usually wrong when guessing genders.... So I am going with boy.Brian always says boy because he can't imagine anything different. LolStay tuned :)

Almost 10 weeks!

Had our last ultrasound with the RE and officially graduated to my regular OB!

We saw our sweet miracle, kicking and and wiggling all over. It was such a beautiful, and amazing sight.

I am so thankful and grateful for this miracle!!!!!

What a beautiful sound....

Almost 9 weeks, and for the last 2 days, I have been able to pick up this little miracle's heart beat on my doppler at home <3
It's the most wonderful sound. A huge beaming smile covers my face when it pops up... What a glorious, redeeming miracle.

Thank you God.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant this time around... I was mad. I didn't want to go through another loss. I had it in my mind that my body was incapable of producing a healthy natural pregnancy. Only through medication.
I gave up on my body. God didn't. He gave me a miracle, and I am completely in awe of the beauty of it all.

I can't wait to find out who this kid is!!!!

Hello little miracle!

Measuring 2 days ahead, with a perfect steady heart rate of 136 bpm, here is our surprise miracle!!!!
7 weeks 1 day.

I cried when I saw that heart beating. Just completely broke down. After the doctor congratulated us and left, Brian and I instantly clung to eachother sobbing. We were overjoyed...

This pregnancy feels strong. I have had intense morning sickness, exhaustion, major mood swings, and even early signs of lactation, craaaazy.

So, praise the Heavenly Father!!!!! Thank you JESUS for over coming. You are the true healer, You have given me much joy. What a gift.
And as a good friend, and fellow PCOSer so elloquently put it, "screw PCOS" ;) my God is bigger than this disease!

Praying for continued development, and health for this little one.

I'm just overt he moon right now!!!!!

Not sure how it happened... But I will take it!!!

So, I here I am waiting and waiting for my post miscarriage period to come... We decided that we wanted to revisit IUI with injectibles. We followed my blood HCG levels down to zero almost 5 weeks ago... It should be here by now.

I tuck my little boys into bed, which means I lay down with them in there little beds. As I go so sit up, my round ligaments are screaming at me. Ouch!!! What was THAT? A random thought crosses my mind, reminding me that I feel this way whenever I O, or even more so, when I am pregnant...

I grab an LH test. Maybe it's a super late O? I dip the stick, watch the dye cross. My test line is instantly dark. Much darker than the control line. It doesn't seem normal...

I ask Brian to bring a pregnancy test home on his way back from work. I honestly didn't think much about it. Yet, at the same time, I just knew....

I had already used most of my pee on the LH test, but I got a little out for the pregnancy test.

I couldn't believe how fast it popped up...

The next morning I explained to my very confused RE's office why I wanted an HCG blood draw.

At that time, I am guessing I was 16 dpo. Or 4 weeks 2 days.
The results? 690!!!

I went in again today 18 dpo, or there abouts. 4 weeks 4 days.
1281!!!

I am just stunned!

My progesterone was 47 too. I still have my suppositories too.

Things like this don't happen to me. They just don't!

I am trying not to question it too much. Trying to just embrace this odd peace that I feel about this baby.

God,
These curve balls you keep throwing me are nuts! I trust you Lord. I always do... I hope and pray this little one makes it to our arms.
Please protect this child. Help him or her grow perfect. Knit this baby together in my womb, just the way you intend. I so desperately do not want to loose another baby, Lord. Please God. Allow this to be an easy pregnancy with a happy ending...
In your name
amen.

The end of my miracle...

I started to bleed last night. I have been feeling "off" the last few days....

I had an ultrasound this morning.

Ultrasound showed that the pregnancy is still there but not nearly as far along as it should be, I am unfortunately very certain of my dates. I know what it should look like by now. All we saw was a 3 mm sac. There was some gray ish matter inside. No clear yolk sac or fetal pole.
We drew blood to look at HCG. I am feeling very confident that I am miscarrying.
I am absolutely heart broken. I was so excited for this miracle. However, I also recognize how blessed I am already. Praying that God will comfort us through this time and bring us another baby in His time.

Second beta

Praise GOD!!!!!!!
My second beta MORE than doubled!!!! How is this happening? I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. Happy, blessed, scared, confused lol. I just feel like I have skipped so many steps! It's just so amazing that this happened completely naturally, absolutely amazing.

My 6 1/2 week ultrasound has been scheduled for June 15th, where we will look for a heart beat :)

The next big step for this little miracle to over come :)

God,
I can NOT thank you enough for allowing us this blessing. We are so pleasantly supplied and feeling so grateful. We never deserve these good things, but you give them to us. You love us and know our desires.
I will trust this life to You God...and you know how hard that is for me :)
But you are the maker of this life, and every other. You hold it in your hands and love him or her more than me.
Praise you lord. Thank you for reminding me of your generosity and surprising me with this new life.

I love you,
In your name, Amen

12 dpo

My miracle!!!!

God is amazing.

Full of surprises.

Today a blood test confirmed that I. Am. PREGNANT!

100% naturally pregnant. A complete miracle.

This cycle #5 since my failed FET I have been lazy with my vitamins. I started training and running. I was shocked when I got a positive opk on CD 16. I kept running anyway. Normally I don't exercise in the two week wait. I broke a personal record 9 dpo and wanted a glass of wine to celebrate, I decided to test just in case first.... A faint line.

I put the bottle away shocked. Brian saw it too.

The next morning, 10 dpo, line was still there. A liiiittle darker.

Today, 11dpo it was darker. I called my RE to ask about confirming it and getting some progesterone in case.

I usually don't get my beta checked until 14 dpo (with Ronan I think it was around 70 or 80) so this was really early, I was hoping for 20.

It came back as 21.5

I go back Thursday to make sure it's rising,

I am completely shocked.

If you know me in real life, or on Facebook, this is ABSOLUTELY PRIVATE! Please please say nothing.

Girls!!!

Today I went to a 6 year old girls birthday party, which so happened to be a "princess theme". I was asked to impersonate Ariel the Little mermaid. Not shocking since I have red hair and I sing. So I agreed. This family is soooo sweet, and I really wanted to make to this little girl's day.

OH how different girls and boys are. I am surrounded by boys, so I forget.... When I came out and sang, the boys had funny reactions. Most were shocked, kinda dropped their jaws, then ran away and hid.
The girls were just soooo excited. It was so special. I loved it.
I also love those silly boys :)

Here are some pictures from my day. Who knows? Maybe some day I will get to show these to my future daughter and she will think I am cool hahaha. My boys were so cute. They saw my all dressed up and just dolled over me. they kissed me, held my hand and told me how beautiful I was. :)

How blessed I am :)

I don't miss this

I secretly felt super optimistic this cycle. I had a really strong solid positive OPK. Everything was timed perfect. I was so excited when my period was 2 days late.... Negative pregnancy test. Wait, let me dig that out of the trash and check again... Yeah. Still negative. Maybe I will try again in a few hours. Oooooh could that maybe be a line? If I squint just right it kinda looks like there is another line. Maybe I need to hold it by the window where there is some natural lighting... Yeah, that is still negative. A few hours later... I need to recheck, I better dig my test back out if the garbage can.... Pathetic right? I know. I really got my hopes up this time. Why doesn't this stupid, crappy, thing called infertility just go away. Go bother the woman who doesn't want kids. Or the lady who has no place procreating... Okay, that was harsh. I guess I am just a hormonal mess right now. Turns out everyone so pregnant today in Facebook, so that is really helping too. So now, I am taking some time off Facebook, turning my focus once again back to God. Remembering that HIS timing is always best and that HE will create my family the way HE desires to do so... Which stinks when my stupid human desires get in the way right? I hope I don't sound too grumpy. I really am TRULLY blessed. I am one of the lucky women who go through this fight and come out of it with healthy children!!!! My marriage has remained intact. My family is thriving, and we create joyous, wonderful memories every day. No joke. I LOVE my life. It just doesn't feel complete yet. Not sure who this special little person is whom God has planted in my heart, but goodness, my heart is ready to embrace whoever it is. My period showed up right after I got my negative tests- which is always how it goes haha. So I go back to my healthy lifestyle and praying for a miracle :) These ups and downs of trying to conceive I just do not miss. It will be such a wonderful feeling when I know my family is complete. Until then, I continue to enjoy the beauty of what I DO have try my best to please God with what he has given me, and be strong in the battle to continue on in the fight to build my precious family... HIS way. Dear God, I trust you with my life. With my children, with my husband. Thank you so much for the gifts you have given me. I know there is still more to come. Both Brian and I feel it in our hearts. Until the day you remove these desire so rom our hearts, I ask that you give us strengths he endure this time. Please bless our efforts. Provide for us like you always have. We love you Lord. Amen.

Natural remedies

Since I have started the following supplements my cycles have been wonderfully regular! Before, they were horribly irregular and often need to be induced by progesterone to have a bleed.

Disclaimer, I am in no way a health professional. Just a smart young woman who has spent many years studying, researching, and consulting health professionals ;)
Always consult with a doctor.

So, because people have asked (in particular- an awesome girl that I met at the park today- you know who you are ;) hehe)
this is what I am currently taking to naturally regulate my cycle.

I start with lemon water (served at room temperature)
I take MACA 2x's a day (this alone restored my cycle)
Also, CoQ10 (has been said it could possibly help with egg quality)
And Royal Jelly (also to help with egg quality)
Prenatals
I eat lots of leafy greens, kale etc...
exercise regularly
And drink lots of water.
Peppermint tea is also known reduce androgens, which are often elevated in women with PCOS or other hormonal disorders.
I use coconut oil as a personal lubricant. Pressed was getting too pricey.
I get my OPK's online at Amazon. The Wondfo brand.

Because my PCOS is not caused by insulin resistance I do not need to take metformin.


I don't know if these will ever bring me a miracle baby, but it's worth a shot. If anything else it's just nice having a regular cycle. Going months without one is not healthy for your endometrium and can contribute to uterine cancer.

Hope that helps, especially those who are medical breaks and waiting to save up to try again. Waiting is hard.
Atleast this is something to do while you wait :)

Correction

It had to be added into my painting... Do you see it?The tiny bird flying. My sweet little Adriel in Heaven.I figure, there is enough room on the branch that I can always add in more birdies... Whether they will be flying, or on the branch with their mommy, daddy and brother :)

9 years...

Wow... I cannot believe I have been married to "the grey shirted boy" for nine years now ( if you don't know the story behind that name, it will have to wait for another day haha- if you DO know it, then you understand how amazing it is that God ever led us to be together )

We have been through so many ups, downs, trials, blessings. Married at the ripe old ages of 19 and 21 :) I wouldn't change a thing. He has helped me grow, challenged me, spiritually nourished me. He continues to love me unconditionally, provide for me... He is the best man I know.

So, for our anniversary present, 9 years is traditionally, woven/whicker or pottery etc... I went with whicker.
I went to Salvation Army not quite sure what I was looking for, but it enjoy painting on unique surfaces. I found a huge orange place mat. Like bright orange. I wish I took a pic of the front. I did take a picture of the back which will give you an idea.
But I brought it home last night and took a few hours to myself and painted a picture for him.
I rarely ever show any of my artwork, but Brian really loved it, and that pleased my heart so I wanted to share.
I got the initial idea of the painting from Pinterest, and added a few of my own personal touches.
I love how it turned out :)

I have a few other tricks up my sleeve for our actual anniversary date, so that will be fun. On Saturday we will go hiking, then out to eat,an d probably a movie. I can't wait to have some alone time with him! All day!!!

Brian recently started coaching baseball at the same high school I coach volleyball. It's fun watching him in this role... Not to mention he looks super hot in his baseball stuff!!!! Lol.

Happy anniversary to us!!!! Thank you Lord for this man you have given me! May we have many more years to come!!!

Ronan's check up

Some of you may remember that my sweet 4 year old, Ronan was diagnosed with vesicoureteral reflux, or, Kidney reflux. He was diagnosed at 5 weeks old due to a UTI that put him in the hospital.
Since then, they have frequently check on the status and have seen him slowly grow out of it. A perfect answer to prayer.

Today was supposed to be his last check up. To verify that it was gone.

We went to the ultrasound, the tech was nice, but very quiet. She didn't want to chat at all, and spent a LOT of time taking picture of his left kidney.

We then took the images to our specialist.

He came into the room very quiet, a little somber. He stated that Ronan's reflux looks to be no issue any more. Grown out of it.....

Good news right? .....

Did any one from the hospital come look at the pictures? Any second opinions?
* starting to panic now *

"No"

"one of his kidney's has a hump on it... He is in the age range for tumor growth. This happens most likely between 4-6 years of age. You will probably need to get more images done"

The conversation went down hill from there. A lot of talk about tumors, chemo, surgery etc... All worst case scenarios.

He promised to call me as soon as he heard back from the radiologist.

I left, a complete mess. Ronan was so happy, no clue how scary the situation was. The twins were fussy, so I just kinda went through the motions. Filled with fear.

I got the call... I answered, prepared for the worst. The word "benign" never sounded so beautiful. He said that it was a normal variation. Nothing more to be concerned about....

I broke down and cried after that.

All the images of surgeries, sleepless nights of worry, fear of the unknown, could be put to rest....

Then my heart felt for the parents who didn't get those calls. The ones that were malignant. My heart broke for them

We never know. Never know when God might call us to a difficult circumstance. One that might even call our children home before us.... Lord willing I never ever have to cross that bridge.

I do know that even through the darkest valleys. My God is good. This gives me more fuel than ever to teach my children about their Heavenly Father. To ensure they understand the price Jesus paid for them. The truth that if hey believe, they will be in heaven when they pass. That we will all be together on the other side of this life.

Keep on truckin'

Cycle #2 Another negative cycle.... Thankfully I am still having a regular cycle. The Maca is definitely regulating my hormones!!! Like I said before I am also taking royal jelly, prenatals, and I have added coQ10 along with lemon water to the daily regimen. If anything else I am super duper healthy lol. I am running regularly, keeping my weight around 135 on my 5'7 frame... So .... Doing all I can. It's up to God if He will give us a miracle :) I know He can do it. No doubt. Infact, it would knock my socks off... However, I also know how He designed me. I know I have a disease that Lord willing there is treatment for. It doesn't mean I can't dream though, right? Dream for a natural miracle, expect goodness and generosity from my Heavenly Father!!!! I am praying with my whole heart for that. If not, and He continues do give me the desire for more children we will pray about medical intervention again. I am not scared of it... I just really really want to see what can happen on my own. You never know. I know deep down, both my husband and I... We know that there are more children waiting. We know we are meant to raise more. I can't explain why, but God has made it very clear that this is what we were made for. It stinks that it doesn't come easy for us, but maybe that is what makes it so beautiful? We fight so hard, scrimp and save to bring life into this world. To show them love, and teach them about God. Sending them out as lights in this world. I can think of no greater calling. While we work on that.... We are also getting to a busy time of year! My husband who works full time, who is also in the final stages of publishing his first novel, is also going to be coaching baseball this year!!!! I am so excited for him!!!! When his season is over, it will be time for MINE!!!! For those who don't know, I am a varsity volleyball coach. I get to bring the kiddos with me. It's pretty amazing lol. So a lot going on in our home. Exciting and hopeful :)

Snow days :)

We had a TON of snow here a few weeks ago. It hasn't snowed like that since the Before Ronan was born!
We had soooo much fun in huge snow! We build snowmen, ramps to slide down on garbage sacks ( lol we aren't rich)
The twins liked to be pulled in the laundry hamper, I pulled them with the dog's leash haha.

It was so great though. Play time outside, and lots of cozy time by the fire inside.

Confirmation!

A little bit of good and a little bit of sad...The sad being, I am not miraculously pregnantThe good being that my cycle showed up EXACTLY when it was supposed to!!! Exactly 15 days after my positive OPK, giving me a perfect 14 day luteal phase! I still consider that to be something of a miracle!!!! My body actually had a successful cycle!!!! A shocking 31 day cycle! So, I will continue to exercise, drink my lemon water, take my vitamins, MACA, and eat my greeny leafy salads :)There's no harm in trying!!!And in separate news, we are still praying and pursuing possible adoption avenues. We know that this is something God is calling us to do, we just don't know what avenue we will do it through yet or when. The timing feels a little off with the twins still being small. We have both prayed about it and feel like we would be best suited with a child under 1 at this time. That could change as the kids get older... But for now I feel like that is an age group we can easily take on.
We talked with our pastor about it and are meeting with some families and friends who have a lot of experience with it. So, for now we are just praying about it and seeing where God leads us. The last few days we have been doing some photo shoots for Brian's book cover. It's been so much fun! We arrived at the location to take pics and discovered the bridge that takes us to the forest site was flooded! Being the determined people we are, we forged on! Lol I removed my boots and hiked up my gorgeous dress and waded through the icy waters. I could hardly breathe with my corset threatening to squeeze the life out of me hahaha. We ended up with some great initial shots to play around with, but will be going back again to be thorough.We also have a second professional editor who has freely offered her services! What's more exciting is that a Christian publishing company has picked up Brian's novel and is offering to publish!!! It's all coming together and it couldn't be more exciting :)

A few very unedited behind the scenes, teaser pics

I am aiming for a miracle...

So 2 weeks ago I got my first period post FET transfer. It was a 39 day cycle-yikes.

Since then, I have been running regularly, drinking lemon water in the morning, taking my prenatal so plus MACA, and eating a LOT of dark leafy greens. In hopes this will help with my PCOS side effects and maybe, just MAYBE give me am ovulated cycle.

Well, turns out, it's working!!!! I got a positive opk yesterday! Woo hoo! That's crazy awesome! Hubby and I have been having a blast trying, "the old fashioned way" lol, it won't hurt, that's for sure. And ya know what? God can do whatever He wants, and HE hears our prayers, so I am gonna go ahead and ask for a miracle! ... It won't hurt, that's for sure ;)

Our Christmas was so much fun.

The kids were spoiled rotten. They got these awesome new plasma scooters. We play on them through out the house every night. I used the cardboard boxes they came in to make a giant slide on our stairs haha.

Soooo many new toys.

And the Sunday before Christmas, Ronan sang on stage forth e first time!!!! I was directing a A kids Christmas choir. Ronan really wanted to sing too. He did GREAT!!!! Total proud momma moment.

The twins are really playing well together, and with Ronan. I love seeing them bond. They make up the silliest games together.... What's. Great life I have!!!

I am still working through the editing and beta reading aspects of Brian's novel. There are 5 of us in total. Our goal is to finish it by March. Then it goes off to the first editor. Then to the second editor... Then hopefully for publishing by July or August. Eeek!!! I'm so excited! It's soooo good! Can't wait to share it with you all! My husband is brilliant :)