I had a dream last night that we had our transfer. I hadn't taken an at home test (which proves this was a dream and not real lol- I'm a pee-a-holic) but I knew we were pregnant. I knew it. I could feel the warmth, the life within me. I began to imagine if this was my long awaited girl!!!!
Suddenly I was out of my body and seeing myself get a D&C! I was screaming at the doctor to stop!! He turned to me and told me that the transfer had been unsuccessful. I wasn't pregnant... Which is confusing why I was having a D&C... But hey, I never said it made sense. It was just horribly devastating...
Then the realization kicked in that I have only one blast left.... One last chance.
I know God is in control. I trust Him with it all. I just became so scared I wouldn't be able to experience it all again. I am SO thankful for what I have. I adore my family. At this point my heart just does not feel finished yet.
I also know we are meant to adopt ( yes, yes, we want a large family) if only I could get one last chance... To just soak it all in... With the twins, it was amazing, but, very "survival mode" I long to take time to nurse, snuggle, and all those other things you take for granted with a singleton...
2 embryos left. I do trust God, but I am also scared I won't get to do it one last time....
And OH LORD the icing on the cake would be a little girl.
God knows any addition, boy or girl will be cherished and loved.... I would just be so tickled to experience life as a mommy to a daughter.
With it all, I trust you Lord. Please take away my fears. Give me peace. And Lord may YOUR will be done.
Protect my embryos! Bring them to fruition in my womb!!
Amen :)
bless your heart -- that had to be awful. to give you a bit of encouragement, i had three little boys in a row before i got a girl. i won't say she has been easy but she brings me joy.
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