The roller coaster....

If you have ever experienced any form of infertility and treatment, you will understand this. Stuck on bed rest, life happening around me, and I am just stuck here in this bed with nothing to do but think. Think, pray, distract myself.... One minute I am optimistic, encouraged, pumped and excited! Then I am horribly discouraged. My mind brings back the words that shook me to the core, " you lost one" And the odds 50% flash in my mind. Fear, panic, loss.... Then there are times, very brief, where I am just in absolutely peace of whatever may come. I remember my eternal perspective. I remember how there is more to life than this current struggle. That I am eternally blessed beyond measure. I love those moments. I wish I could stretch them out more. I am working on it.... Then I return back to how deeply I desire to have just one more baby.... How much it would stink to loose those one too.... Then the fear and panic sets back in. Just once I wish getting pregnant was easy haha. Anyway, that's my brain right now.... My back is sooooo sore from laying flat all the time. Ugggghhhhh! Only one more day of bed rest after this!