CD 14 U/S

So today I had another ultrasound to check the progression. I was hoping for atleast 3 follicles, but would LOVE 4.... I got 1.
My lining went up to 10mm so that was good news, the left ovary showed no progression, and the right ovary had a good 16mm follicle, and one 10mm follicle hiding behind it. They tested my blood to check my LH and Estrodial. My LH came back as 7.13, the lowest it's ever been actually, which is good for now because that means i can take another injection in hopes of getting the 10mm follicle to catch up. My Estrodial was 160, a big improvment compared to the 50 i had 3 days ago. So i suppose I should be thankful for the one mature follicle I do have as of now...

I felt defeated and frustrated as we left. I couldn't stop the tears from coming. The doctor saw me and offered his comfort. I was thankful for that, i hadn't really seen that side of him before. He reassured me that since I have PCOS i have so many follicles just waiting to mature, and that is why he has to be careful not to overstimulate me because then we would have to cancel the cycle, which would really suck. So, i guess, this is good... I just hoped for better news...

My heart just feels so heavy right now. If this weren't my heart's desire I would've thrown in the towell by now. The only thing that is holding me together right now is God. The only strength i have to continue down this dark, scary, lonely path is God...
Sometimes I wish God would change my heart, take away this desire to have children and give me passion to be a career woman, or something... I pray and I pray that if this isn't what God wants for my life that he just take it away!!! I don't want anything that HE doesn't want for my life!! Yet, still my heart aches with a passion for a little one...So I continue down this path, hoping and pleading with God to answer this long awaited prayer. All I have ever wanted is to be a loving wife and mother. To raise my children and bathe them in the love of God. To dedicate my very existence to serving him through being a wife and mother. I don't know why this is... especially in our day in age where that is almost looked down upon... but that is the way I believe God created me. So i have to believe this will all come together for the good, because my love for Christ is deep, and his promises are true.

WOW, sorry, this turned into such a diary entry... guess i needed to let it all out. Thanks to anyone reading this and praying with me.

God bless,
Melissa