I'm depressed...

I know this was only the first cycle, and it was somewhat experimental, but I just want to explode... I really don't know how much more heart ache I can take? I would love for God to take away this desire, I would absolutly love it. I pray that if this is not what the Lord would have for me, that he would change my heart, and show me where he DOES want me. Unfortunatly this is my journey, this is my path, and Lord willing it will all work together for the good. Lord willing I will one day hold my long awaited child, and know it was all worth it. I will be a better mother because of it... because I already love my children, and they aren't even here yet.

I ordered my meds for next cycle, and as luck would have it, I will start my period on our four year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BRIAN, say HI to AUNT FLO!!! Cuz you know... THAT'S sexy...
We are going to be staying in a yurt, by the coast and the dunes, I'm really excited despite the circumstances.

So here comes cycle #6, 2nd cycle with injectables. We are really praying about how long we should allow for the injectables to work, if there is no conception after 5 cycles on injections, we are praying about moving on to invitro. I would have never thought of doing this before. But money is money, and it will all be worth it when I get to hold my child in the end. I pray that it doesn't come to that, that my journey will end soon with a positive pregnancy test.