The end of my miracle...

I started to bleed last night. I have been feeling "off" the last few days....

I had an ultrasound this morning.

Ultrasound showed that the pregnancy is still there but not nearly as far along as it should be, I am unfortunately very certain of my dates. I know what it should look like by now. All we saw was a 3 mm sac. There was some gray ish matter inside. No clear yolk sac or fetal pole.
We drew blood to look at HCG. I am feeling very confident that I am miscarrying.
I am absolutely heart broken. I was so excited for this miracle. However, I also recognize how blessed I am already. Praying that God will comfort us through this time and bring us another baby in His time.

Second beta

Praise GOD!!!!!!!
My second beta MORE than doubled!!!! How is this happening? I feel so incredibly overwhelmed. Happy, blessed, scared, confused lol. I just feel like I have skipped so many steps! It's just so amazing that this happened completely naturally, absolutely amazing.

My 6 1/2 week ultrasound has been scheduled for June 15th, where we will look for a heart beat :)

The next big step for this little miracle to over come :)

God,
I can NOT thank you enough for allowing us this blessing. We are so pleasantly supplied and feeling so grateful. We never deserve these good things, but you give them to us. You love us and know our desires.
I will trust this life to You God...and you know how hard that is for me :)
But you are the maker of this life, and every other. You hold it in your hands and love him or her more than me.
Praise you lord. Thank you for reminding me of your generosity and surprising me with this new life.

I love you,
In your name, Amen

12 dpo

My miracle!!!!

God is amazing.

Full of surprises.

Today a blood test confirmed that I. Am. PREGNANT!

100% naturally pregnant. A complete miracle.

This cycle #5 since my failed FET I have been lazy with my vitamins. I started training and running. I was shocked when I got a positive opk on CD 16. I kept running anyway. Normally I don't exercise in the two week wait. I broke a personal record 9 dpo and wanted a glass of wine to celebrate, I decided to test just in case first.... A faint line.

I put the bottle away shocked. Brian saw it too.

The next morning, 10 dpo, line was still there. A liiiittle darker.

Today, 11dpo it was darker. I called my RE to ask about confirming it and getting some progesterone in case.

I usually don't get my beta checked until 14 dpo (with Ronan I think it was around 70 or 80) so this was really early, I was hoping for 20.

It came back as 21.5

I go back Thursday to make sure it's rising,

I am completely shocked.

If you know me in real life, or on Facebook, this is ABSOLUTELY PRIVATE! Please please say nothing.

Girls!!!

Today I went to a 6 year old girls birthday party, which so happened to be a "princess theme". I was asked to impersonate Ariel the Little mermaid. Not shocking since I have red hair and I sing. So I agreed. This family is soooo sweet, and I really wanted to make to this little girl's day.

OH how different girls and boys are. I am surrounded by boys, so I forget.... When I came out and sang, the boys had funny reactions. Most were shocked, kinda dropped their jaws, then ran away and hid.
The girls were just soooo excited. It was so special. I loved it.
I also love those silly boys :)

Here are some pictures from my day. Who knows? Maybe some day I will get to show these to my future daughter and she will think I am cool hahaha. My boys were so cute. They saw my all dressed up and just dolled over me. they kissed me, held my hand and told me how beautiful I was. :)

How blessed I am :)

I don't miss this

I secretly felt super optimistic this cycle. I had a really strong solid positive OPK. Everything was timed perfect. I was so excited when my period was 2 days late.... Negative pregnancy test. Wait, let me dig that out of the trash and check again... Yeah. Still negative. Maybe I will try again in a few hours. Oooooh could that maybe be a line? If I squint just right it kinda looks like there is another line. Maybe I need to hold it by the window where there is some natural lighting... Yeah, that is still negative. A few hours later... I need to recheck, I better dig my test back out if the garbage can.... Pathetic right? I know. I really got my hopes up this time. Why doesn't this stupid, crappy, thing called infertility just go away. Go bother the woman who doesn't want kids. Or the lady who has no place procreating... Okay, that was harsh. I guess I am just a hormonal mess right now. Turns out everyone so pregnant today in Facebook, so that is really helping too. So now, I am taking some time off Facebook, turning my focus once again back to God. Remembering that HIS timing is always best and that HE will create my family the way HE desires to do so... Which stinks when my stupid human desires get in the way right? I hope I don't sound too grumpy. I really am TRULLY blessed. I am one of the lucky women who go through this fight and come out of it with healthy children!!!! My marriage has remained intact. My family is thriving, and we create joyous, wonderful memories every day. No joke. I LOVE my life. It just doesn't feel complete yet. Not sure who this special little person is whom God has planted in my heart, but goodness, my heart is ready to embrace whoever it is. My period showed up right after I got my negative tests- which is always how it goes haha. So I go back to my healthy lifestyle and praying for a miracle :) These ups and downs of trying to conceive I just do not miss. It will be such a wonderful feeling when I know my family is complete. Until then, I continue to enjoy the beauty of what I DO have try my best to please God with what he has given me, and be strong in the battle to continue on in the fight to build my precious family... HIS way. Dear God, I trust you with my life. With my children, with my husband. Thank you so much for the gifts you have given me. I know there is still more to come. Both Brian and I feel it in our hearts. Until the day you remove these desire so rom our hearts, I ask that you give us strengths he endure this time. Please bless our efforts. Provide for us like you always have. We love you Lord. Amen.

Natural remedies

Since I have started the following supplements my cycles have been wonderfully regular! Before, they were horribly irregular and often need to be induced by progesterone to have a bleed.

Disclaimer, I am in no way a health professional. Just a smart young woman who has spent many years studying, researching, and consulting health professionals ;)
Always consult with a doctor.

So, because people have asked (in particular- an awesome girl that I met at the park today- you know who you are ;) hehe)
this is what I am currently taking to naturally regulate my cycle.

I start with lemon water (served at room temperature)
I take MACA 2x's a day (this alone restored my cycle)
Also, CoQ10 (has been said it could possibly help with egg quality)
And Royal Jelly (also to help with egg quality)
Prenatals
I eat lots of leafy greens, kale etc...
exercise regularly
And drink lots of water.
Peppermint tea is also known reduce androgens, which are often elevated in women with PCOS or other hormonal disorders.
I use coconut oil as a personal lubricant. Pressed was getting too pricey.
I get my OPK's online at Amazon. The Wondfo brand.

Because my PCOS is not caused by insulin resistance I do not need to take metformin.


I don't know if these will ever bring me a miracle baby, but it's worth a shot. If anything else it's just nice having a regular cycle. Going months without one is not healthy for your endometrium and can contribute to uterine cancer.

Hope that helps, especially those who are medical breaks and waiting to save up to try again. Waiting is hard.
Atleast this is something to do while you wait :)