Appt with Dr. B

I am home from our discussion with Dr. B :) It went really well. He basically started off by reviewing my last couple of cycles and how my response has differed drastically. He mentioned that we could do a couple different things. We could slow it down and move back to only 1 amp (I was taking 2) and stretch out the cycle a little longer and try to just get 1 or 2 good eggs. He feels confidant that after 5 or 6 iui's I would conceive again. The problem- that isn't cheap and would equal out the the amount that we would end up spending for the IVF. Another problem are the odds, the last problem is the emotional aspect. It is a very draining process with many emotional rollercoasters. I honestly am not sure I could psychologically handle that process much more.
The other option is ofcourse IVF. We discussed the success rates- which at our clinic are 72% live birth rate- this is considering all women who are under 35 years of age and under. I asked him about my specific odds given that I am only 25 and have had 2 pregnancies. One of those being a healthy live birth. He said my odds are definitely higher given those advantages.
He is very optomistic that the first attempt would take- but he ofcourse cannot give any 100% guarantees. For some reason or another embryos may not take, just as it happens to women alot of the time everyday. Woman can conceive and may never even know it. There is about a 20% chance of failure. Worst case scenario he gave me a 97% chance of success by the third try- given my history. He is very much a numbers man.

We discussed the ethics of the situation too. We discussed our faith and the importance of the care for our embryos. How we consider life to be so very precious and need for all our "children" to be shown the most respect possible during this procedure. I know it isn't anyone's first choice or ideal situation. I know some people may or may not agree with it. The important thing is how Brian and I feel about it, and that we bring it before our Lord, and that is something that we are doing daily and will continue to do through out this entire processes.
I am blessed to have wonderful family who loves the Lord supporting us every step of the way. I am so thankful for that.

The tenative plan is to start some bloodwork and tests around the end of August, then start birthcontrol (weird right? it's to supress the ovaries before stimulation) then possibly lupron (also a supressant) THEN start the stims around the end of September, for an October retreival.

I asked him over and over if this is what he thought was the BEST protocal (I really trust my doctor) and he is very encouraged about our desicion. He and his wife also struggled with infertility and recently had twins. He understands the highs and lows, the scary parts and exciting parts, so I really feel like I can trust him- espcially since he is willing to go back and do more iui's and wasn't pushing for the IVF- just very relieved we were ready for it.
His optomism had me really really excited. My only fear is the failure. I am so afraid of failing. It would be even harder now because I would know that those perfect little embryos are alive going in... It would feel like a miscarriage. I am just going to have to surrender all of this over to the Lord and trust that HE will manage my entire cycle, yes Dr. B will be there doing his thing... But I am going to have my Heavenly Father orchestrating all of the events.

Until August I am off all meds and praying for a miracle :)