It's HERE!!! The NINTH MONTH!!!!! YAY!!!!
Things are going well! Ronan is his active little self, and I am more sluggish and tired, achey and sore, hormonal and grumpier than ever ;) But at the same time, I am also the happiest, most blessed woman alive!!!
I had my 36 week appt yesterday, and got my first cervical check. He normally doesn't even check until 40 weeks, but being curious I asked if he could check! I had NOOOOO idea what that actually entailed... I figured it would be something like an anual, where they use a speculum to "peak" inside... IT'S NOT! The next thing I knew he was in up to his ELBOW!!!... ok not really, but it felt like it! HOLY CRAP! It hurt SOOOOOO bad! Not much to report though, he said i was getting soft though! So i guess that is something... however, i will NOT be asking him to check again anytime soon.
I also had my strep b test done, which also wasn't pleasent hehe. They have to swab your um.... *ahem* OTHER hole... like the butt one. hahaha and OUCH!
After that, he measured my uterus height (fundal height) and I'm STILL measuring behind. About 3 cm. Which i read is really common, especially if you carry low, are taller, or more slender, or have well toned abdominal muscles, which all apply to me. So i guess it's a little reassuring, but I like to worry myself needlessly apparently. The Doctor didn't seem worried one bit. He mentioned that he would keep an eye on it, but by the time he would want to do another u/s to compare his growth development, he will be showing up!
I feel like I am SO close to holding him in my arms, but so far away at the same time... I find myself more worried for him NOW than I ever have before. I don't know if it's because I know I'm so close to actually having him and i don't want anything to go wrong now... I... blech I don't know. I'm hardly even making sense. I guess part of me is still just so scared that it's just too good to be true. It's hard for me to ACTUALLY believe that I'm going to be having a BABY!! I still feel "infertile" in some ways. I feel like I just need to actually see him, hold him in my arms, look into his eyes to know, it's all real. I trully DO have a son and he is HERE!!!!
Lord, you know worries. You know the fear that hides in my heart. I pray that you would take it away Lord. I pray you would replace it with anticipation and excitment. With confidence that you are watching over Ronan, and that in a few short weeks he will be in my arms, safe. Please continue to meet his needs in the womb. Please keep him healthy, strong and growing. I love this little boy with all my heart. I SO look forward to meeting the one you have given to me to raise. To see how you have formed him in your own Amazing way. Give me strength these last few weeks to fully trust YOU!!!
I love you Lord!!
Amen.
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